Carnage in Clontarf as Boru skins Vinny

AGAINST THE ODDS:THERE WAS much whooping and hollering - most of it generated by the voluble Brennie - in Foley's on Sunday night when Cesc Fàbregas sent Gianluigi Buffon the wrong way from the penalty spot in Vienna.

But all Vinny Fitzpatrick could do was hold his head in his meaty hands and groan. "That's put the bloody tin hat on it," he said to himself.

The exit of Italy from Euro 2008 prised Vinny's fingertips from the cliff-face to which he'd been clinging perilously after a series of fluffed betting opportunities. Now he was in financial freefall and headed for a painful landing.

For the past week, every press of the "confirm bet" button on his Betfair account in Euro 2008 had gone belly-up, including a €50 wager on Italy to beat Spain.

Worse, he had studiously ignored the Ballydoyle bluebloods at Ascot and had watched, in horror, as Aidan O'Brien and Johnny Murtagh had the toffs in their top hats and tails grasping for superlatives.

As late as Saturday lunchtime in Boru Betting, he'd disregarded the fiscal lifeline in his grasp. All around, the gambling heads were lumping tenners and twenties on Macarthur and Honolulu in doubles.

"If they come in, I can probably afford to go to Honolulu," quipped Rudolph, so called because of his ruby-veined nose.

Vinny sniffed haughtily and pointed out to Rudolph that Honolulu wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

"Full of weirdos in funny shirts, you know," he said.

While the regulars roared on Macarthur from the off in the Hardwicke Stakes, Vinny deliberately turned away and engaged in chit-chat with Angie, who was making plans for a summer holiday.

"I believe Lake Garda is stunning," she said. "Spectacular scenery, fantastic food - and we could take in Verona and Venice for some culture. The flights are reasonable too. What do you think, Vinny?"

The reference to "we" escaped Vinny, whose mind had drifted toward the action on the telly. From the corner of his eye, he'd just seen Murtagh conjure a late winning thrust on Macarthur, much to his dismay.

"Honolulu here I come," shrieked Rudolph.

Aware Vinny was distracted, Angie dragged her beau to the Pebbles cafe nearby for afternoon tea, scones and some serious chit-chat.

"Vinny, do you hear what I'm saying? This is about you and me going away together. It will give us time to relax, unwind and get to know one another a little better, you know," she smiled, her long fingers playfully tapping Vinny's fleshy thigh.

Suitably encouraged, Vinny focused on holidays rather than hooves and for the next hour this unlikely two-ball compared the charms of Lombardy and Lisbon; Barcelona and Berlin; Paris and St Petersburg.

Vinny was imagining himself walking hand in hand with Angie along the Garda lakeshore, stopping off for some pizza - preferably thick crust, green peppers and anchovies - and a glass, or two, of Chianti.

With her dark curls and flashing smile, Angie would blend in with the locals, thought Vinny.

"As for me, I'll look like I've just landed from Mars."

"Right," said Angie. "Italy it is for a week. Leave the arrangements to me, Vinny. Jeepers, is that the time? C'mon, let's go."

As they approached Boru Betting, the door was flung open and a posse of regulars spilled on to the pavement, led by a smiling Rudolph. Seeing Vinny, he said, "You should have stuck with Murtagh today instead of looking a couple of gift horses in the mouth. C'mon, I'll stand you a jar."

That Saturday tea-time pint was followed by a gallon more, during which Vinny had the minor consolation of watching Dial-a-Smile's face fall farther than usual behind the bar as the Dutch, one of his picks in the Euro 2008 sweep in Foley's, were outplayed by the slick Russians, Angie's team.

Vinny had fancied the Russians but no one would lay him a bet, not even at full-time when it was 1-1. While he lived only 400 yards from Foley's and could probably have scurried home to place a bet in-running before extra-time began, he was stymied by the arrival of a fresh creamy pint.

Sunday had been little better in the betting stakes. After a punt on the Dublin hurlers to beat Wexford backfired, Vinny had watched Italy play for penalties against Spain rather than try to win the match.

As he reflected on his wretched run, beside him Brennie and Shanghai Jimmy, still limping after being run over by Vinny in the cricket match a week earlier, were in flying form.

Brennie had drawn Spain in the sweep while Jimmy was enjoying the mother of all rides with Turkey, who would play Dial-a-Smile's Germany in the semi-finals.

"These Turks never know when they're beaten. You know, I reckon they can take the Germans. Hey, Dial-a-Smile, what do you think?" he said loudly.

From behind the bar counter, Dial-a-Smile looked stone-faced at Shanghai Jimmy.

"Last orders now, please!" he barked before disappearing through a staff door.

Fran wasn't in chipper form either, as he'd drawn France and Sweden in the sweep and both had arrived home before the postcards. He sat in hermit-like silence while stealing the occasional glance at Vinny, as if he had something on his mind.

But Vinny wasn't clued in to the celebrations of Brennie and Shanghai Jimmy, the vanishing act of Dial-a-Smile, or the glowering of Fran.

He wasn't even having fevered thoughts about going away with Angie. Right now, he just wanted to feel the surge of adrenaline that came with a successful punt. He needed a winning fix, badly.

"Never mind my next drink, where's my next winner?" he asked himself in a surge of self-pity.

Bets of the Week:
2ptsVenus Williams to win women's singles at Wimbledon (5/1, Boylesports)
2ptsGermany and Russia to reach final of Euro 2008 (2/1, Paddy Power)

Vinny's Bismarck:
1pt LayWestmeath to beat Dublin in Leinster SFC (9/2, Paddy Power, liability 4.5pts)