All in the game

Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN

WHILE those giant flags that get passed around grounds by supporters during games can look very lovely, they do, inevitably, obscure the view of the unfortunate fans underneath. That’s why you have to salute this Deportivo de La Coruna supporter who was rather eager to see some of the action in the club’s game against Athletic Bilbao last week.

Genius

Chest the job: Rooney celebrates with a shave

JUST in case you weren’t sure how many titles Manchester United have now won, Wayne Rooney very kindly provided a visual clue when he posted this photo of himself on Twitter on Saturday. Yes, indeed, he shaved his chest hair in to the shape of ‘19’.

Meanwhile, after an online campaign by United fans, sales of the old Paul Hardcastle tune ‘19’ are going well. Remember the opening lines?

“In 1965 Vietnam seemed like just another foreign war, but it wasn’t. It was different in many ways, as so were those that did the fighting. In World War II the average age of the combat soldier was 26. In Vietnam he was 19.”

Eh, very apt.

Spelling it out: Countdown pokes fun at Preston's woes

TRUE, Blackpool have their own relegation worries to fret about, but that hasn't stopped some of the club's supporters delighting in the fate of neighbours Preston North End who will play their football in League One next season after finishing third from bottom of the Championship.

Any Preston fans last week who watched Countdown, perhaps in the hope of taking their mind off footballing matters, might not have been amused when the conundrum popped up: PNECRISIS. A pure coincidence? No. "One of the members of the production team is a life-long Blackpool fan and it was intended to be friendly banter, all done in good humour," explained a Channel 4 spokesman. (The conundrum was "priciness").

If the Preston faithful were unimpressed by that stunt, it's nothing compared to their reaction to the plane that twice flew over Deepdale during their final match. The first time it was towing a banner that read "We are superior love Blackpool FC", the second time: "Poor little Preston enjoy League One." "If I had had a gun I would have shot them down," said Preston manager Phil Brown, "arrest me now if you want. I found it very distasteful."

Schmeichel's roasted nuts

QUITE why Jaap Stam chose to share this anecdote with the Sun last week is hard to say, but you'd imagine it brought back some painful memories for Peter Schmeichel.

Recalling his "funniest memory at Manchester United", Stam told of the day Nicky Butt was urged by his team-mates to "press a red-hot tea vessel against the bare bum" of Schmeichel as he stripped for a shower. You know, like you do.

"At the same time Nicky had the audacity to put the kettle forward," said Stam, "Peter turned around to see what was going on and got the hot kettle against his ****! Nicky had to run for his life as Peter chased him all around The Cliff a few times, leaving us in tears from laughing. Unforgettable!"

You know, it's that dressingroom spirit that drove them to the treble.

Redknapp takes a hard line: Harry's deaf ear to phone-ins

"He could be the next Messi."

– Pele ensures Javier Hernandez will be a one -season wonder.

"Blow me down with this fairytale we're all on . . . maybe the main man up there has written a story that would probably beat Cinderella."

– Prince Charming himself, Ian Holloway, hoping his beloved Blackpool won't be the Premier League's ugly sisters next weekend.

"The reason I don't listen to phone-ins is because you're talking about idiots."

– Harry Redknapp, evidently not a fan of Liveline.

"At 2+4yrs old how can my lil men have the words 'actually'+'delicate' in their vocabs already?!? I wasn't shown them words until I was 11ish."

– Rio Ferdinand's tweets his astonishment at his silver-tongued baby boys.

"That shot moved like . . . I was going to say a shop, but the shop's shut."

– Paul Merson. Beyond that we can't help.

A grand don't come for free: No spuds for Javier Zanetti

ONE of the great mysteries of our how time is how Javier Zanetti could only be 37 when the fella seems to have been playing for Inter Milan since 1922?

Last week he played the 1,000th competitive game of his career in Inter's cup semi-final draw with Roma (enough to put them in to the final on aggregate), putting him second, behind Alan Ball (1,054), in the list of outfield players with the most appearances in world football. Peter Shilton (1,362), Ray Clemence (1,118), Pat Jennings (1,096) top that list, but they don't really count because they were only goalkeepers.

A bit like his compatriot Lionel Messi, who was diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency when he was a child, Zanetti had to overcome development problems in his youth.

"I was skinny," he said. "We saw a lot of doctors. Some said that I wouldn't grow. Others said that I would. One of them recommended that I eat lentils and potatoes. It traumatised me. I am incapable of swallowing one or the other to this day."

Whatever about lentils – no chips, no wedges, no mash, no butties, no roast or baked potatoes? Now, that's traumatic. Another reason to salute Zanetti, 1,000 games in a spudless career.

SPEAKING of less than friendly neighbours – according to the Daily Mirror, this is how Barnsley supporters greeted Sheffield United's relegation, somewhat reworking the anthem oft heard at Bramall Lane (to the tune of Annie's Song): "You fill up my senses, like an away game at Yeovil, like the Johnson's Paint trophy, like an empty old Lane. Like the Steel City derby, in the old third division, Oh Sheffield United, You ****ed up again."

Heartless devils