Then Peter went up to him and said, "Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me? As often as seven times?"
Jesus answered: "Not seven, I tell you, but seventy-seven times." [Matthew 18:21-22]
There is a question I have asked myself many times. Why was Jesus so insistent about the practice of forgiveness in the lives of his disciples? Peter was probably embarrassed by Jesus's answer to his question.
The answer was not what Peter had expected. Jesus told him to be far more forgiving than Peter was suggesting. Peter must forgive 77 times, not seven times.
In saying this, of course, Jesus was not implying that forgiveness could be refused on the 78th and subsequent occasions. For Jesus, there could be no limitation on the number of times people would forgive. Forgiveness was to be a continuous activity in the lives of his followers.
It is worth asking what exactly we mean when we speak about forgiveness. The English word "forgive", which we use so frequently, derives from an older English word "forthgive". Thus, forgiveness is about forthgiving.
To forgive someone is to forthgive of myself to that person or, expressing it in more contemporary English, to give forth of myself to that person - although he or she has offended me.
Forgiveness means continuing to relate to that person as if the offence had never occurred. It means allowing that person into my "space" again without constructing barriers or imposing conditions.
Basically, then, forgiveness involves letting go and giving that person another chance. This is precisely what happens every time God forgives (or gives forth of God's self). God does not place any barriers or enforce any conditions which prevent us from revisiting God's "space".
However, giving forth of myself to somebody who has mistreated our relationship involves taking a risk. It requires that I trust that person not to act in the same offensive manner as before.
There are times when I am challenged to forgive unconditionally, especially when some people do not realise or accept that they have caused hurt and damage. Elsewhere in the Gospels Jesus prays, "Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34).
It is understandable that we might be reluctant to be hurt again by offering an additional opportunity for friendship and respect. Yet, that is what Jesus calls us to do. It is never sufficient to forgive seven times or 77 times. Following Jesus is risky.
Forgiveness is risky. Giving forth of ourselves is risky. In fact, in taking this risk we can only hope that there is some indication that the person appreciates and values the opportunity for renewal being offered.
What provides such an indication? It is the visible presence of an attitude of repentance or sorrow in the person who seeks forgiveness, who seeks that forthgiving or giving forth.
Genuine remorse and sorrow are outward manifestations of the inner journey of conversion. Unfortunately, we use the word "sorry" so often and so carelessly that its real meaning has become redundant. What does it really mean to say "I am sorry"?
The most helpful phrase I have discovered which expresses clearly the truest meaning of "I am sorry" is from my native Irish language. In Irish we say "ta bron orm". Literally translated, this means "there is sadness on me" or, expressing it more usefully, "I am a saddened person."
Telling another person that I am sorry for having caused offence and, therefore, seeking forgiveness is about acknowledging that I am a saddened person because of the wrong I have done and the hurt I have caused.
Significantly, I am saddened, not only because I have offended and hurt another person but also because I have diminished my own dignity as someone made in God's image and likeness.
When were you last saddened by what you said or did to somebody? How often do you say "sorry" without any tinge of sadness because you do not really mean that you are sorry? How willing are you to forgive, to give forth of yourself, after other people have offended you?
Forgiveness and sadness are inextricably linked. You cannot have one without the other. Valuing and appreciating forgiveness requires at least some degree of sadness or sorrow. Forgiving and being forgiven are central to our life in Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour.
This is an edited version of a sermon preached by Father John Littleton in the final of "The Times Preacher of the Year Award 2000" in Walsall, England, at which he was awarded second place. Father Littleton works in Doon parish, Co Limerick.