The Patten Report

Sir, - Unionism is in a small, dark broom cupboard at the moment, and there's a lot of elbowing going on, a lot of muffled shouting…

Sir, - Unionism is in a small, dark broom cupboard at the moment, and there's a lot of elbowing going on, a lot of muffled shouting. Earlier this week Bob McCartney opened the door slightly and roared something rude at George Mitchell. Yesterday it was David Trimble's turn to stick his head out and pull faces at Chris Patten. Both know that if either of them stepped out even just long enough for their eyes to get used to the light, they'd never get back in again. Paisley (who's there at the back of the closet) would promptly expand to fill the space available.

Meanwhile, they give the rest of us - the ones who'd really, really like to make a go of things - a sore head every time we hear them. Could this be the new Political Disprin Sensation that poor Seamus Mallon and David Ervine have been going on about for so long? Life's too short. - Yours, etc.,

Ciaran O'Reilly, Windsor Park, Belfast 9.