Sir, - I would like to clarify a few issues raised in Breda O'Brien's article on my book For Our Own Good - Childcare Issues in Ireland (Opinion, March 31st).
Suggesting that each person has the right and responsibility to financially support him/herself and offspring is not simply "buying into feminist ideas." It is, I propose the logical solution. Everybody agrees that financing a family nowadays is difficult. My proposition is that it's better if that burden is shared. Irish fathers still work an average of 46 hours a week while a third of fathers work 50 hours or more. The price for everyone is too high. Where the task of child-rearing remains predominantly the responsibility of one parent, the other must shoulder the task of financing the family.
It's time to leave the notion of the "provider" and move on to redefine and explore new ways of managing the family's financial requirements. The traditional division of labour means the man is kept forever outside his family. Since he's the only earner he is constantly under pressure. It is feasible and advantageous for both parents to work, say, 30 hours each, rather than one parent working 50 hours.
Frequently the argument at this point is that men's wages are still higher so it's better for men to work, but money cannot be the primary motivation in any of the discussions regarding childcare. Children who see both their parents providing financially for them alongside a continuity of consistent, nurturing care are being offered a wide spectrum and repertoire of choices for their future. They will hold less stereotypical views of their options. If you, as a woman, wish to teach your daughter that she, as a mother, can pursue a career while being contented with her parenting, it is rather difficult to do that if you have limited what you can expect of life yourself. Remember, our children learn more from what we do than what we say.
Breda O'Brien rightly points out that my own children were cared for by relatives, for which I am eternally grateful. But why assume that that wasn't that person's job? Is she suggesting that childcare is not valid work? Surely not.
My belief in life is that we have choices, many choices, far beyond what we perceive ourselves to have, including our choices regarding parenting and childcare. I have lived my life accordingly and, though daunted or frightened by obstacles I encountered, I've always been able to search out a further possibility and reject the limitations.
The choices I unearthed for myself are there for everyone but it requires an abundance of creative thinking, hard work and courage. - Yours, etc.,
Bernie Purcell, Roebuck Counselling Centre, Rathgar Road, Dublin 6.