Madam, - Local politicians canvassing in the Athy electoral area have uncovered a gross conspiracy of cartographers against the town of Athy. Candidates, representing three different parties all commented at the door that, their priority if elected, would be to put Athy back on the map. My wife dismissed this as glib clichés, but I don't know.
Since the time of Ptolemy, Athy has been at the heart of Ireland, indeed before the Act of Union Athy boasted two MPs.
Alas, in the modern period Athy has diminished, now we boast a list of nearlys; the also-rans of Irish history. Athy home of: Shaws, almost nationwide, Shackleton who nearly discovered the South Pole and of course the Sullivan Brothers, who came second in the You're a Starfinal.
There are very few jobs, no major shops and now the Dubliners are starting to go home. The local politicians have identified a possible reason outside of themselves for where it all went wrong. A conspiracy of cartographers seems the most likely reason for Athy's demise. - Yours, etc,