Tabloid press falls upon Mary of Magdala

Seismic tremors passed through civic and religious circles in the city this week following revelations in the Palestine Times on Tuesday that Mary, now with the Jesus campaign, was part of a "services for votes" scandal in the city about eight years ago.

When confronted by the newspaper Mary, known as Mary Magdalen as she is from the town of Magdala on Lake Galilee, admitted she had worked with the "Hot Stuff" escort agency in the city and that she and other women there had provided services to religious and political figures at the behest of the Scruples building company. It was seeking the contract to extend the Temple courtyard at the time. It won the contract.

Ms Magdalen also supplied the paper with a list of names of those men she had attended to at the time and others she recalled being with her escort colleagues. Hot Stuff was disbanded two years ago when the owners were jailed for money laundering. Ms Magdalen left it three years before and has altered her way of life significantly.

The Palestine Times did not publish Ms Magdalen's list and may not be able to do so for legal reasons, but its very existence prompted a flurry of denials from leading religious and political figures. A spokesman for the High Priest, Dr Caiaphas, said that while he had seen Ms Magdalen at functions in his residence he had never been in her company.

A similar statement was released by Governor Pilate. He too acknowledged that Ms Magdalen had been to his palace, but that she was always accompanied by others. A leading judge has been linked in gossip columns with Ms Magdalen, as has a leading centurion.

The well-known critic of the courtyard extension, Mr Isaiah Bunni, also denied ever being with Ms Magdalen, and said the reason he had not been present when a vote was taken on the Temple courtyard extension was because he was pre-occupied with more important business.

The following day, Wednesday, the Moon tabloid published on its front page a photograph of Mr Bunni being kissed by Ms Magdalen, under the headline `Bunni Smacked'. That afternoon he issued a statement saying that, while Ms Magdalen kissed him, he had not kissed her back. "I am a gentleman," he said, "I will not refuse any woman's kisses."

Meanwhile a lively trade in T-shirts has sprung up in the city because of the controversy. The message on the T-shirts reads: "I did not sleep with Mary Magdalen, either!"

On Thursday the Moon was forced into a front-page apology to Jesus, the preacher. It had reported him the previous day as saying he did not have a sexual relationship with Ms Magdalen. The report continued that when asked what he did for sex, he replied: "Not nearly as much as it does for me."

In its apology the tabloid acknowledged the last remark was not made by Jesus at all, but "may have arisen because the reporter misunderstood what was actually said". It was not reported what Jesus actually said.

In Galilee Jesus continues to be followed by great crowds wherever he goes teaching and preaching, and everywhere people claim he has performed remarkable cures. Word of this reached John `the baptist', still being detained without charge by King Herod. He sent one of his followers to Galilee to ask Jesus whether he was the one promised by God so long ago or should they go on waiting.

Typically, when this question was put to Jesus by John's follower, he did not answer directly. "Tell John what you see," he said. "the blind see, the lame walk, lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead rise, and the good news is preached to the poor." The good news he referred to concerned his coming to give eternal life.

When John's disciple left, Jesus said to the crowd: "No one born is greater than John but the least person in heaven is greater than him. And still John is not recognised for who he is. What is wrong with these people? He lived in the desert neither eating nor drinking and they said the devil was in him. I eat and drink and they call me a drunkard, a glutton, a friend of the corrupt and depraved, and worse. But truth will out!"