Miriam Lord's Week

THE SEANAD adjourned for the week at 1.45pm on Thursday. That made it a gruelling 19-hour week – for those who fancied it. Apart from votes, it’s really up to themselves.

And now, we will begin with an important correction and clarification.

According to media reports on Thursday, An Taoiseach, Deputy Brian Cowen TD, did not have a spare pair of drawers with him when he had to overnight in Belfast. Ditto Gordon Brown. And officials had to go out and buy supplies in Marks Spencer.

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Michael D Higgins was unhappy to be mistaken for the 87-year-old Mick Higgins, (pictured) no matter how good he was at football

This is untrue. It has been drawn to our attention, by a senior Government source, that the Taoiseach always travels with a change of clothing in the boot of his car. Any reports to the contrary are totally false, untrue and very wicked.

We are happy to clarify this.

But what is it about Cowen and his smalls? Remember Biffogate? Following our exchange with the Senior Source, we checked with colleagues in Northern Ireland. Apparently, the story of the prime ministerial wardrobe crisis was the talk of the press tent. One distinguished correspondent who reported it says he was given this throwaway snippet by official Hillsborough sources and it was relayed to him in good faith.

Very strange.

Was some unauthorised spinning taking place? So busy forgot to pack, and all that? Anyway. Lest there be any doubt, Biffo, and one assumes his British counterpart, always travels fully prepared.

And here’s the clincher. A Fianna Fáil politician, who claims to have the inside track, took us to task on Thursday for making fun of Biffo’s lack of spare underpants – after hearing it mentioned on the radio.

“Well, it’s simply not true, and it wasn’t fair to him.” Sorry. (In fairness, some people can be very sensitive about these things.) “Anyway, why would anybody have been sent out to Marks Spencer. Sure if they needed a change of clothes or stuff, the car would have been sent down for it.”

Right. Glad to have cleared that up.

Students’ fine spread for Bertie

Nice to see Bertie keeping himself busy. He has a nice gig across the water coming up shortly when he will be guest of honour at the annual dinner of the Cambridge University Ireland Society.

Tickets – a snip at £33 each – were still available earlier this week.

The evening kicks off with a champagne reception at 7pm, followed by a three-course dinner in the stunning Murray Edwards dome, “during which Bertie Ahern will give an address”. Wine is included and the meal will be followed by a port digestif, chocolates and coffee. Alternatives will be provided for non-drinkers. There will be an after-party at the Cricketers Pub, with traditional music and maybe even some dancing.

The students are putting on a fine spread for the former taoiseach on February 11th.

The starter is a pork, apple and calvados terrine, served with warm pitta bread. Main course is chargrilled chicken supreme with mushroom, white wine and cream sauce and desert is a lick-smacking dark chocolate fudge cake with red berry coulis.

That’s ham, grilled supremo and fudge. It is not known if the dessert will be served with Bertie’s favourite sweet – Instant Whip(around).

Dress code is black tie.

Just two more letters wanted

Fine Gael Senator Fidelma Healy Eames giving one of the reasons she believes Batt O’Keeffe should reconsider his decision to abolish the NUI: “He is undermining the value of our degrees at home and abroad by proposing to abolish the NUI. This has serious implications for Ireland as a country. Two of my degrees are from the NUI and have served me well at home and abroad.”

With so many degrees to tell the Seanad about, Fidelma Really Preens certainly must have a lot of letters after her name. But two, so far, have eluded her: the letters T and D.

Higgins the younger not best pleased

The GAA world was in mourning this week following the death of Mick Higgins, the last surviving member of the Cavan team that won the All-Ireland football title in the New York Polo Grounds in 1947. Association president Christy Cooney led the tributes to Mick, who was a sporting superstar back in the 1950s during the golden era of Cavan football.

The Irish Mirror recorded the passing of this fine sportsman with an article headed “Tributes to Higgy”. The piece occasioned major shock in this neck of the woods, accompanied as it was by a photograph of Deputy Michael D Higgins. Not only did we not know he had passed away, but we were unaware that the Labour stalwart for Galway West held three All-Ireland senior football medals, was a stylish forward and a sublime kicker of the placed ball.

Michael D was reported to be most put out yesterday and was spotted moping around Leinster House in something of a sulk. He was disgusted – not because the Mirror mixed up their photos of two great Higgys, but because the other Michael Higgins was 87 years old.

A dream come true, for some anyway

The great and the former good were out in force in the Department of Finance on Thursday night to mark the retirement of David Doyle, outgoing secretary general.

Both the Taoiseach (a former finance minister of course) and Brian Lenihan attended the bash in the department canteen. The place was heaving with mandarins – past and present – among them, four former secretaries general. Central Bank governor Patrick Honohan popped in to wish the retiree well while a band of happy aristos from the National Treasury Management Agency (NTMA) slummed it for the night in Merrion Street. Their former boss, Michael Somers, now with AIB, was also present.

Speeches were from Lenihan and Kevin Cardiff, who is taking over from Dave (they’re very informal in finance). The man of the moment – he was appointed to the top job by Charlie McCreevy in 2001 – told the crowd what happened when he broke the good news about his promotion to his wife.

“Darling, did you ever, in your wildest dreams, think I’d be made secretary general of the Department of Finance?” To which Mrs D replied: “Get a grip. You don’t feature in my wildest dreams.”

A great time was had by all, we understand, and after the formalities, the party continued across the way in the upstairs bar of Doheny and Nesbitts.

Sheahan shows blistering form

The deputies and Senators taking part in RTÉ’s Operation Transformation reality show are working very hard at losing weight.

Fine Gael deputy for Kerry South Tom Sheahan is doing very well, having lost 15 pounds in two weeks.

This has been achieved through a combination of healthy eating and exercise, but maybe Tom has been overdoing it a little bit. He developed a large blister on his foot and was confined to barracks for a few days.

“I got the blister from all the walking. It was so bad, I had to go to the podiatrist,” Tom tells us. “But it could have been worse. I’m just glad I wasn’t cycling.”

Ryan gets ‘hurt’, then gets even

Our January Playmate of the Month is Minister for Communications Eamon Ryan, who confessed on national radio during the week that he has been calling premium phonelines in the early hours of the morning while his wife is asleep in bed.

He told Today FM’s Matt Cooper his actions were

prompted by the huge number of complaints he received from people who were very unhappy about certain TV quiz shows that encourage people to phone premium-rate services in the hope of winning a cash prize.

Eamon decided to check out TV3’s Play TV, which he said was an example of the type of competitions people had been complaining about.

“My own experience of something late at night [was] a quiz that I thought I had the answer to. I called in about 15 times in a row and each time it would have been ‘Who is the lead singer of U2? Is it Bono, is it Elvis Presley or is it whatever’. He got through on each occasion, only to be told that he had done very well, but hadn’t won this time and to try again.

Ryan said he understood then how frustrated people must feel after phoning these lines, particularly as it cost €1.50 a go. “I felt rather hurt.”

The upshot of all of this is the inelegantly titled Communications Regulations (Premium Rate Services and Electronic Communications Infrastructure) Bill 2009, which requires operators of these competitions to obtain a licence and observe set standards which can be legally enforced.

Ryan said he will not be charging his research costs to his department. “I’ve to face my wife on that one – it was on my home phone.”

Matt Cooper was curious. “Did she ask you what you were doing sitting up at that time of night playing that?”

“No. She’d gone to bed.”

Play TV? In the early hours? General knowledge? Best of luck with that, Eamon.

Trilling, tweeting and tinkling on

Senator Ivor Callely’s phone went off in the Seanad on Thursday. Nothing new there. Despite years of pleading and chiding and warning, TDs and Senators still ignore the switch-off rule in their respective chambers. Some can’t even manage to turn their handsets to silent mode.

The politicians are far and away the worst offenders when it comes to ignoring mobile phone etiquette. It’s not because their heads are so full of matters of national importance, but because they can get away with it. Normal rules don’t apply.

Pat Moylan, the Cathaoirleach of the Seanad, is sick and tired of his charges trilling and tweeting and tinkling throughout the important business of the house. Ivor apologised for the interruption and said he thought his phone was off.

“There will be a fine on people bringing phones into the chamber to use them,” said Pat.

We presume he was indulging in some wistful thinking. Fine them? Now that’s a good idea. Except it will never happen, because wild horses couldn’t drag the money out of them.

We hear that the great expenses debate continues to rage among politicians from all parties. What they have, it seems, they are determined to hold.

IFA praised for showing its meitheal

It was a busy final few weeks for former IFA president Pádraig Walshe, who got stuck into the rescue effort for farmers badly hit by the pre-Christmas floods.

The IFA showed its “meitheal” during the crisis by providing

feed and transport to farmers and also helping out other rural residents stranded in their homes.

When the waters began to recede, Pádraig received a Saturday morning phonecall from President Mary McAleese complimenting him and the organisation on the work they did at the height of the emergency.

The conversation lasted for over half an hour and afterwards Walshe was delighted to convey Her Excellency’s best wishes to the membership.

Interestingly enough, neither Walshe nor his successor have received a similar call from either the Taoiseach or Minister for Agriculture Brendan Smith.

Inda conundrum remains a hot topic

Enda Kenny has been putting himself about of late, with less than favourable results.

The conundrum of the Fine Gael leader – how can somebody who is very likeable, good with people and a great man to deliver a town hall speech, be such a disaster when presented with a radio or TV studio and a microphone? – remains a hot subject for discussion among the Leinster House anoraks.

His recent Late Late Show appearance was the sort of performance that had people peeking fearfully at the television from behind the sofa.

He went down like a lead balloon with the audience, made a total hash of a routine question about Sinn Féin and that strange rictus smile lingered too long after the closing credits.

No, it was not good.

He was at it again on Wednesday morning, when he did a live interview on Newstalk’s Breakfast Show.

It wasn’t a difficult question from presenter Claire Byrne. In fact water – the lack of and the taxing of – has been widely discussed in the last few weeks. Minister for the Environment John Gormley has been talking about installing water meters in homes, while much of the country’s supply is leaking into the ground because of cracks in the antiquated pipe system.

“Fine Gael: in favour of water charges or not?” asked Byrne.

Enda sounded startled. “Fine Gael have . . . have . . .” He stopped, and tried again.

“Fine Gael haven’t, eh . . .” Stopped again.

“F-F-F-Fine Gael [deep breath] have . . .”

Byrne intervened, deadpan: “Have you thought about it yet?”

“No. We haven’t discussed this yet, but we have said that, that, eh, that we, you know, have a particular view on this, obviously . . .” Enda and his handlers must never have been in the boy scouts. Motto: Be Prepared.

Leave the Merc at home, says Ned

Fianna Fáil Senator Ned O’Sullivan from Listowel is a big fan of Dublin City Council’s bicycle-sharing scheme.

“I have subscribed to the scheme and I travel to work most mornings using dublinbikes. It is an exhilarating way to travel and it is safe. The bikes are sturdy and there is a bay beside Leinster House. I recommend to the leader and all my colleagues to leave the Mercedes at home in the apartments or hotels and to travel to Leinster House using dublinbikes from now on.”

Ned tells us it takes him about seven minutes to cycle from his city centre apartment on the north quays to Leinster House.

“As it was part of the Green Party agenda and all of our green agendas, the Minister for the Environment, Heritage and Local Government Deputy Gormley and his colleagues should be congratulated,” said Ned, full of the joys after his cycle to the Seanad.

Success has many fathers, but Labour’s Ivana Bacik, in a welter of self-congratulation, was quick to identify the real one.

“It’s rather extraordinary to hear Fianna Fáil members attempting to claim credit for it, given that it was the initiative of Labour Party councillors, particularly Councillor Andrew Montague . . . It would be ridiculous for the Green Party to seek to claim credit for it, given it has no councillors on Dublin City Council . . . It is notable that Senator Alex White and myself are the two Senators, to my knowledge, who cycle to Leinster House every day and we do not use dublinbikes but rather we use our own bicycles.”

Bully for them. Barrister Alex, presumably, uses his bike to get to and from his work in the Four Courts.

Senator Fiona O’Malley, by the way, also cycles to work.