Miriam Lord: Enda and Micheál keep masks on as face-off looms

All afternoon, they sat and faced each other across the floor as a pointless dance went on around them.

Enda Kenny, when not looking vaguely in Micheál Martin's direction, looked thoroughly fed up.

Then a ray of hope from Gerry Adams, announcing the big rumour of the day, which he relayed as gospel. He wanted to welcome the news that the acting Taoiseach and the leader of Fianna Fáil were about to get it on and "meet this evening to start forming a government".

On the acting Opposition benches, Timmy Dooley turned around to Micheál Martin and hissed: "Have we announced that?"

“No,” whispered Micheál, shaking his head.

Not that the Sinn Féin leader really cared. He told the Dáil that his party would be playing no part in the “charade” unfolding in the chamber. Whereupon all the politicians not in his party burst out laughing.

As if to underline their lack of engagement, Gerry and colleagues then spent time signing what appeared to be a small stack of greeting cards in yellow envelopes, passing them along the line. It was something to do.

“Over 50 hours of constructive and worthwhile discussion . . .” said Enda, thanking those Independent deputies who gave of their time to discuss government formation with him. The acting Taoiseach added that he would apologise to nobody for meeting them. Nobody was asking.

Big ideas

We were hearing great reports from inside the meetings which took place this week. The best ones concern the Healy-Raes, Mattie McGrath and an unnamed Independent with big ideas.

The unnamed TD had a wish list that Fine Gael would have to consider very seriously if he were to lend his support. He wanted a motorway and a railway line between Cork and Letterkenny.

The Healy-Raes (actually, it was Michael the Younger) encountered a dining crisis while involved in intense discussions in Government Buildings. It is customary for plates of sangwiches and tea to be brought in around lunchtime to stave off the hunger. But this would not do. “You call that food? Where we come from, we have our dinner in the middle of the day” cried MHR, recoiling at the sight of mere sangwiches. What? No potatoes?

But the business of looking after Kerry never stops for grub, or anything else. At one point, when Enda Kenny was in mid-sentence, Michael had to interrupt him to take a call from the constituency.

The canny Healy-Rae has regarded these talks with a jaundiced eye from the start. Once the discussions begin between Kenny and Martin, the Independents will get the heave-ho. Just as well to keep things ticking over back home.

Mattie McGrath, meanwhile, had some testy exchanges with the acting Taoiseach, with Enda accusing him of being difficult, at one stage. Mattie, among other things, indicated that he wouldn’t sign up to any government that intended to hold a convention to discuss repealing the Eighth Amendment.

Message

At another meeting, McGrath and his fellow Independents met the general secretary of the Department of Health. Mattie arrived late and missed the introductions. He did, however, hear

Jim Breslin

refer to himself as the department’s “accounting officer” (which he is, being responsible to the Dáil for ensuring that the money allocated to his patch is spent in the proper manner). On one important issue, Mattie told Breslin that he wanted him to take a message back to his secretary general.

“I am the secretary general,” came the reply.

“Oh, sorry. I thought were only the accountant.”

It was a good day for Ruth Coppinger of the Anti-Austerity Alliance. She was nominated for taoiseach, along with Enda and Micheál. And while she hadn't a hope of getting the nod (she got 10 votes), she earned the distinction of becoming the first woman in the history of the Dáil to be nominated for the office.

Fine Gael newcomer Noel Rock got to nominate Enda Kenny for the second time since the general election. Simon Harris, who is now part of Kenny's negotiating team, only got to do that once in 2011.

Rock, along with Fianna Fáil's Lisa Chambers, who again nominated Micheál Martin for taoiseach, will be going for the hat-trick on Thursday, when the House meets again.

Of course, the fact that we still hadn’t a government a full 40 days since the election is all Kenny and Martin’s fault, said Gerry Adams, using the occasion to employ one of Sinn Féin’s favourite phrases. The country is currently rudderless because of their “refusal to accept the new political dispensation”.

New politics

It’s all about the New Politics now. Which is suspiciously like the old.

Acting Tánaiste Joan Burton, cutting her party's ties with Fine Gael, said Labour would not be supporting their former coalition partners in the vote for taoiseach.

“The Civil War is over,” she told Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil.

"We won't take lessons from you," snapped Fianna Fáil's Robert Troy.

One of his new Leinster House colleagues, Mary Butler from Waterford, lavished praise on her party leader and lauded his suitability for high office.

“A ceann comhairle,” she gushed of the former minister for health, “Micheál Martin is a person committed to reforming our health services.”

Then was silence for a moment, before the penny dropped. And then everyone burst out laughing.

But everything that happened was just a prelude to Enda and Micheál getting hooking up and hatching something beautiful.

But the Fianna Fáil leader said nobody said anything to him about any meeting. There was still no word of them getting together by early evening.

Enda was doing most of the wooing.

“I would say to Deputy Martin, whom I have known for very many years, that I want to be as flexible and as generous in as much way as is possible,” said the acting Taoiseach.

Micheál smirked.

Playing hard to get. For starters, he wants no constant briefing, no leaks, no spin and no manoeuvring.

The Fianna Fáil leader was almost lecturing his Fine Gael counterpart.

And when it comes to leaking, briefing and spinning, Fianna Fáil is up there with the best. But they will meet.

They will have their first date. Make or break – partnership or election.

Few were willing to bet either way in Leinster House.

Micheál doesn’t want to hear from Enda: “Do you want to be buried with my people?”

That’s Fianna Fáil’s big fear.