Labour walks it as FG proves poor on pitch

A LABOUR six-goal slam demolished Fine Gael’s five-point plan in Tuesday night’s Coalition clash of the ash in Dublin.

Labour’s hurlers swept aside their Government partners with ease, running up a final tally of 6-8 to 1-12 in the charity game.

However, some in Fine Gael are complaining that the opposition stuffed their team with fit young “bangers” who ran the legs off their more mature players.

“Only one parliamentary party member was on Labour’s starting team, while six of our starting seven were parliamentarians,” alleged a Fine Gael backroom boy, who telephoned to set the record straight.

“They brought in a few young bucks from the staff who changed the game.” For their part, Labour points to Jack Wall, who, at 66 and three-quarters, was the oldest man on the pitch by far.

The deputy for Kildare South put in a masterful display between the posts and was declared Man of the Match.

Among the few Labour politicians putting in a brief appearance were Kevin Humphreys and Ged Nash, who flailed about with useless gusto.

Fine Gael deputies Martin Hayden, Paudie Coffey, Brendan Griffin, John Paul Phelan, Paul Connaughton and Joe Carey had no answer to their partner’s firepower.

First-half drama unfolded on the sidelines when the luxuriously coiffed Labour

deputy for Clare, Michael McNamara, impatient to get a game, was seen remonstrating with his team manager before returning to the dressing room in high dudgeon and thence to Leinster House.

“It’s the curse of Biddy Early,” chuckled the Fine Gaelers, who badly needed something to laugh about.