Inda's indecent proposal turns Seanad into the best show in town

SEANAD SKETCH:A BUNCH of well paid part-timers with a huge welcome for themselves went out of their way yesterday to convince the nation that they have little to offer apart from noise and dubious entertainment value. They were unsuccessful in that endeavour.

In fairness, it wasn’t a difficult task, but they embraced it with passion and energy, queuing up to extol their virtue. When Enda Kenny turned the spotlight on the Seanad by saying he wants it abolished, the illustrious members of the Upper Chamber rose magnificently to the challenge. Yesterday afternoon, at their first sitting since his weekend words of treachery, they obliged delighted observers by duly making a complete show of themselves.

Any hint of reserve or detachment went out the window with Kenny’s indecent proposal. He wants to scupper their nice jobs and this cannot be allowed to happen. That somebody, a politician, one of their own, could even suggest such a thing. Well, it’s just too much. Senators are shocked. Appalled. Scandalised. Horrified. Disgusted. Hurt. Angry. Worried. Insulted. And they don’t care who knows it.

The embarrassed turkeys of Fine Gael roasted uncomfortably on their perches as proceedings began. Thanks to Inda, they could oppose their own political demise. To mark the gravity of the occasion, their leader in the house, Frances Fitzgerald, wore a black-widow style suit edged in blood red crimson. She spoke of deputy Kenny’s bravery in showing such leadership.

The sheepish grins on her own side and the tortured wails from the other told her what everyone else thought of Enda’s courage.

“I’m 65 years old, I do not anticipate seeing pigs in flight but I’m very grateful that I’ve lasted long enough to see turkeys voting for Christmas,” squawked David Norris, who turned up the theatrics to cabaret level for the day that was in it.

Joe O’Toole lost the plot. He likened the proposal to shut the Seanad and cut the number of Dáil deputies to the sort of thing that happened “in the recessions of the 1930s in Italy and in Germany”. “Offensive, appalling, anti-democratic . . . ” bellowed Joe, before throwing the legacy of the Blueshirts and Eoin O’Duffy into the mix. Labour’s Ivana Bacik didn’t think the Fine Gael leader was brave. More like “bizarre” and “a little pathetic.” “We need reform,” she added, and everyone agreed because reform is better than abolition.

Dan Boyle of the Greens wittered on about his party not being found wanting in the area of reform, prompting Jerry Buttimer (FG) to lead the rumpus on his side of the house.

Cathaoirleach Pat Moylan, a harmless chairman who is far too nice, pleaded for order. He tentatively hit the bell, which made a dull, apologetic clank.

Everyone was feeling the pain. Eugene Regan (FG) took the first of many swipes at Donie Cassidy, blamed by many for not conducting business in a satisfactory manner. Then he attacked the independent Senators for resisting attempts to extend the scope of their electorate 30 years ago.

“That’s rubbish!” roared Norris. “Withdraw that comment,” barked O’Toole.

As for Alex White (Lab) said Eugene, he said on The Late Late that he considers the Senate has no useful purpose. Ivana exploded on her absent leader’s behalf.

Noise levels rose until Senator Norris broke the sound barrier. Butsy Buttimer accused him of insulting Kenny and demanded he withdraw the remark.

“I will not!” Whereupon David and Jerry commenced roaring at each other with such feeling that there was nothing for it but for the rest of the chamber to join in.

Senator after Senator spoke of the need for reform. You’d have to wonder at the effectiveness of so many of them, for so many years, clamouring for reform but nothing happening.

Labhras O’Murchú (FF) said he hadn’t seen such energy in the chamber for a long time, before observing darkly that you “tinker with parliamentary democracy at your peril”. Back to Butsy, who said he didn’t necessarily agree with Enda’s remarks, but “the majority of people here have been self-serving and looking after their own preservation.” Then he got into another row with Dan Boyle.

“Ooooh!” roared the Senators, looking around to see how many journalists were watching them. Mary White (FF) took offence on Donie’s behalf. “I do think the people on the Fine Gael side have a cheek to criticise our leader, Senator Cassidy. How dare they!” Hooray! Eoghan Harris put in a word for poor Protestants.

Donie finally got his chance to speak, and addressed Fine Gael.“I saw a lot of sad faces on TV the other night. They were gobsmacked faces.” Then he raised the spectre of dictatorship.

“I am outraged!” cried Fidelma Healy-Eames (FG). Donie saw “real democracy at work” in the Seanad’s election process. “It’s the Irish version of apartheid,” retorted Pearse Doherty (SF).

Fidelma, meanwhile, began to shout. A distracted Cathaoirleach asked her to leave. “I’ll happily leave the house,” said Fidelma, with an eye to the newspapers.

“I’d like to be expelled. I’ve been terribly well behaved,” piped up David Norris. Moylan, denying the request, looked like he might burst into tears. Afterwards, Senators basked in the attention. “That was better than you get in the Dáil, wasn’t it? Will ye be back next week?”