Miriam Lord’s week: Low-key conga to celebrate the end of days
And they said they wanted a low-key exit
In fairness, he probably deserves a night on the lash.
The international media kept asking why the people hadn’t rioted.
We held our democratic revolution through the ballot box, said Brendan.
That, and strong drink.
Afterwards, the pair joined Joan and Richard in the courtyard and walked along a line of reporters offering themselves up for interview. They had nothing new to say. It was the red carpet at the Oscars.
So Ursula Halligan tackled them on the burning question of the day: the New York Times story that people so hard-up in post-bailout Ireland they are eating pigeons.
Brendan, po-faced, replied that nobody should be forced to eat pigeon with our “robust social welfare system”.
Joan went off on a stream of consciousness about the New York Times writing about wild horses when the bailout started.
Michael Noonan didn’t know about shooting Dublin pigeons, however, he heard a story about American turkeys imported to Limerick after the war. But they “were wild and broke loose” and ended up in the Cratlow woods.
There was talk of people shooting them for the Christmas table, but he never saw any evidence.
Then Noonan went off to the German chamber of commerce for lunch, where they presented him with a medal. The least they could do. There should be one for the rest of us too.
In the afternoon, Minister of State for Europe Paschal Donohoe live tweeted the exit.
Keeping everything low key. No fuss.
Because they didn’t want to draw attention to themselves.
Shoot the pigeons but bless those poor bondholders
And so, finally, to BED: Bailout Exit Day.
We have exclusive detail of the revised programme of events for tomorrow’s national day of observance, which will culminate in a televised state of the nation address by the Taoiseach.
It will take place at dusk in front of Government Buildings.
When all guests are in place, the ceremony will begin with a short ecumenical service next to the Christmas tree. A reading from the Book of Exodus will be followed by The Blessing of the Bondholders.
A guard of honour drawn from the senior ranks of the Central Remuneration Clinic will welcome members of the Public Accounts Committee as they take their seats.
After the arrival of Santy, the Taoiseach will step forward and throw three coins in the fountain to signify Ireland’s three years in the bailout programme and the part played in it by the troika.
The fountain will then be turned on and a colour party from the Defence Forces will fire a volley of shots over the playing spumes, shooting a few pigeons for the dinner later on.
Mr AJ Chopra, on behalf of the troika, will perform the Handing Over of the Sovereign to President Michael D Higgins, who will pass it to the Minister for Finance, who will then place it in the glass case which held Ireland’s family silver before the government sold it off.
It will then be pawned.
Ireland will be given back her purse.
It will then be pawned.
President Higgins will recite a haiku.