Miriam Lord: Arm’s length spin unit goes too far with marketing cleverality

“Good communications is a virtue,” pronounced Leo Varadkar, virtuously.

He didn’t mention bad communications.

Even though Fianna Fáil had to rescue the Taoiseach twice from that particular vice yesterday.

The first time had to do with the latest episode of Vanity Project 2040, the one where Varadkar’s brand managers overpromote him and his party in a lavish publicity campaign which isn’t supposed to be about them.

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Those glowing newspaper articles about Project 2040 and the part played by “The Government of Ireland” in delivering it to the people had nothing to do with him, stressed Leo. Devising them was the job of people who work for The Government of Ireland and they have nothing whatsoever to do with enhancing the image of Leo Varadkar, who is Taoiseach of The Gubbermint of Ireland, which is a different thing entirely.

When voters read (or usually don’t, because they are terrifically dull) articles extolling the great things The Government has planned for their area courtesy of hard-working civil servants with foresight and knowledge, they don’t automatically associate these achievements with The Fine Gael Gubbermint which is in power in Merrion Street, albeit sharing the same building as The Government of Ireland.

How could anyone make such a mistake and mix them up with each other?

The Taoiseach, not for the first time, was forced to explain this to the leader of the Opposition.

Arm’s length

The Vanity Project does not impinge on his patch. “First of all, it is at arm’s length, deputy,” he told Micheál Martin.

Micheál gave him an incredulous “Yeah, pull the other one” look.

“It s,” stressed the Taoiseach.

And Micheál shot him a “Pull the other one, it’s got bells on it” look.

Not only that, but the promotional campaign cost the taxpayer an arm and a leg. Deputy Martin was not happy with this abuse of “adver-tizz-ments” masquerading as objective copy.

In truth, a perusal by our own Harry McGee of the paid-for pages which appeared in publications all over the country last week turned up a very bland collection of articles in the vast majority of cases. It would be very difficult to mistake them for anything but advertorials.

But a very small number of them contained quotes from individuals who may not have been aware they would appear in a Government-backed puff piece, along with quotes from aspiring Fine Gael election candidates.

“The question is how Fine Gael candidates end up in a Government advertisement paid for by the taxpayer. It is not the function of the taxpayer to fund adver-tizz-ments for Fine Gael election candidates,” fulminated Micheál, pointing out that it is not the function of government or taxpayers to advance the fortune of any political party.

“It’s about time you faced up to that,” he told the Taoiseach, who was looking remarkably unruffled despite the fact that his Arm’s Length Spin Unit had gone a bit too far with the marketing cleverality. “You have blurred the lines. You’re going down a dangerous route which ultimately has the potential to corrupt our democratic process itself. It’s about time you saw it.”

Photocopies

Finally, the reason for Leo’s relaxed demeanour came to light. As he concluded his second reply, he whipped a number of photocopies from his folder and held them aloft.

The Ceann Comhairle groaned. That’s not the sort of carry-on he expects from a Taoiseach.

They were two-page specials carried in national and regional newspapers when Fianna Fáil launched its National Development Plan.

The pieces were similarly positive, if the productions less sophisticated that this year's Fine Gael iteration. The Irish Times feature clearly had "Commercial Feature" on the top of the page and the Irish Independent one was clearly labelled "Advertisement". Stock head-and-shoulders photographs of taoiseach Bertie Ahern and minister for finance Brian Cowen took strings of dull quotes to new levels of raciness, while small photograph of then minister Micheál Martin, no less, were brandished with glee.

Leo was triumphant, as he called out the names of the guilty.

“Adver-tizz-ment!” “Adver-tizz-ment!” roared Micheál. “Check the line. . . No! No!”

But damage was done.

Takes one to know one, and all that. The Taoiseach resumed his seat with a satisfied smile.

Micheál Martin and his Fianna Fáil colleagues were a bit deflated after that.

But they rallied when Leo “Communications is a virtue” got to his feet after Leaders’ Questions to make a special statement.

“Eh, just on the snow,” he informed the Ceann Comhairle.

“I just want to say a few words on the Beast from the East.” He then informed the Dáil that a big snowstorm was due and The Government of Ireland in partnership with his Gubbermint was ready for whatever it throws at us. Oh, and don’t forget to look in on your elderly neighbours and check the gov.ie website for updates.

Mary Lou McDonald said she was at a bit of a loss as to the purpose of the statement. “It’s just stating the obvious, really.” Had the Taoiseach anything concrete to say about how vulnerable people, particularly the elderly, will be helped out?

Fuel allowance

Opposition TDs noted how his Minister of State for Older People, Jim Daly, said the elderly should not be worried about affording fuel and should keep their heat on for 24 hours over the next few days if necessary. There was unanimous agreement across the floor that the Taoiseach should announce a doubling of the fuel allowance for this week.

“Mr Daly’s advice is not the advice of the Government,” declared the Taoiseach, to gasps from the Opposition and worried glances from his backbenchers.

A doubling of the allowance is just another €22.50, he explained, and that amount might not cover what a pensioner might spend in keeping the heat on for 24/7.

His gubbermint couldn’t “offer a blank cheque” to pick up the full fuel bills.

“It’s €6 million,” countered Sinn Féin’s Jonathan O’Brien.

“That’s not a blank cheque. It protects people,” shouted Mattie McGrath.

But Leo was of the view that a double payment mightn’t be enough. At least it’s something, said Labour’s Brendan Howlin.

Was Taoiseach was advising the elderly to turn off their heat, demanded angry TDs. If nothing else, €22.50 would buy four bales of briquettes.

Fianna Fail’s John Brassil offered Leo a lifeline. Perhaps the extra week of fuel allowance announced for April could be brought forward?

Under pressure, the Taoiseach thanked him for his suggestion and said he would definitely consider it.

By all means communicate how your gung-ho gubbermint is going keep everyone safe from the snow.

But it isn’t good if you end up sounding like Scrooge.

Bad communication is not a virtue.