London Fashion Week: 'I came, I saw, I have the blisters to prove it'

EASILY THE most stressful part of London Fashion Week is packing. I don't read Vogue for nothing, I think, as I scour my wardrobe for chic separates and Miu Miu-inspired prints. It soon becomes clear that, though my fashion heart is in the right place, my wardrobe is not, writes ROSEMARY Mac CABE

As the endeavour draws to a close – three cups of coffee, four phonecalls, two repeat listens to Phil Collins’s Hits (no judgment) later – I am left with the perfect fashion-week capsule wardrobe: nothing goes with anything else, and I have packed three jackets, one pair of flat shoes, four pairs of heels I can’t walk in and a pair of lurex, snake-print trousers. Sartorialise that, Scottie, I think, as I set my alarm for 6am and practise my meditative breathing.

Friday – Day one

Paul Costelloe is the first show on day one. The PR, upon seeing my front-row ticket, asks if I am family. “I guess,” I say and, by way of explanation: “I’m Irish.”

She sits me up front, four seats away from Jimmy Choo. It’s a high that won’t be repeated this week – or, I suspect, ever again.

Directly after Paul, I collect my press pass for the week. “Bloggers don’t get a goodie bag,” I’m told, which is just as well, because I won’t be having any of your bribe-alike freebies, thank you very much.

I then blag my way into Caroline Charles (favourite of princess Diana, apparently, and not a celebrity to be seen) by muttering something about address mix-ups and looking haughty.

Later that afternoon, I pull another spectacular feat: without a ticket, I am admitted to Sass Bide, the first truly spectacular show of the day, not least because Peaches Geldof is in the front row beside models Poppy Delevigne and Laura Bailey. For a shameless Now! magazine fan such as myself, this is like winning the celebrity lottery.

I text everyone I know as soon it ends, then skulk home and am in bed, fast asleep, by 10.30pm.

Fashion party? What fashion party?

Saturday – Day two

Ashish is the label responsible for one of my first fashion regrets in the form of a pair of zebra-print wedges, so it’s fair to say I’m excited about the show. But nothing could have prepared me for the sparkly genius on show: sequined sunflower T-shirts over sequined thistle-print shorts and Doc Martens adorned with flowers, the styling work of Irish fashion force Celestine Cooney with her girly-tough trademark all over it.

That afternoon, I take in Jasper Conran – nice, but no cigar – and Jaeger London, which is exciting because not only is US reality television star and style maven Olivia Palermo in the front row, but it is also a truly great collection, all British whimsy and chic separates.

Directly after Jaeger, I get on the fashion bus – yes, really – to House of Holland, in a secret location in south London. Not so secret now, I think, smugly, before alighting and pulling my “address difficulties” trick.

No dice, and as I am swiftly turned away from what I later hear is the show of the season – cloud-print trousers and dalmatian-print tops – the heavens open. My Leaving Cert English teacher would call this pathos; I call it a fashion tragedy and run out on to the street, in a maxi skirt, with no umbrella (but of course), to hail a cab.

Back at Somerset House (which is Fashion HQ for the week), there’s time for a coffee before the John Rocha show, which is breathtaking – modern-day supermodel Abbey Lee Kershaw opens the show in a stunning black cocktail gown adorned with what look like paper feathers, and the audience is a veritable Irish get-together, which lends a nice touch.

Afterwards, Kershaw is bombarded outside the backstage entrance by fashion bloggers looking to get a candid shot; she appears frustrated by the experience. Fashion bloggers are the new paparazzi – who’da thunk it?

Sunday – Day three

Outside Claridge’s, where the Mulberry show is being held, I queue for standing room behind the important people. Gentlemen dressed as cinema snack sellers dispense sugary sweet pink lemonade and ice cream; inside, a long hall lined with helium animal balloons leads you to the catwalk area. It is, in short, spectacular. Circus music fills the room as the seats fill up – Kate Moss sits next to Twilight actress Kristen Stewart and I have great difficulty keeping my camera in my bag (it feels crass to take pap shots from across the room, especially at Mulberry). I settle for some sneaky iPhone shots and make a mental list of people to call and brag to. So much for roaming charges.

At Topshop Unique later that day, the clothes are all 1990s print and Aztec-inspired bodycon with Elizabeth Taylor’s Cleopatra a strong point of reference. There are some interesting pieces, especially a soft denim jacket that will surely be a sell-out, but the collection seems geared towards London’s hipster set rather than embracing a wider demographic.

Post-Topshop, it’s back home for some more r’n’r. These three days feel like a month of trekking through London and my feet are feeling the pain – I have blisters in places I didn’t think it possible to get blisters and they seem to swell at the mere sight of shoes.

Monday – Day four

Monday is a big day on the fashion radar, with Christopher Kane, Erdem, Mark Fast and Burberry Prorsum all showing. For the second season running, the Burberry show is being live-streamed all over the world, meaning that, for those 15 minutes, the debut showing of its spring/summer 2012 collection is being watched by millions of people all over the world – it’s a brilliant use of social media and allows the brand to be simultaneously inclusive and exclusive (you can watch, but you probably can’t afford).

I head to Mark Fast in the afternoon, a designer famed for bodycon knits and using plus-sized models, but it is testament to how warped fashion week makes you that I can’t distinguish the plus-sized models from the rest; to my jaded eyes, everyone is remarkably thin.

Afterwards, I see them make their way out to waiting taxis, presumably off to the next show – and I'm still unsure. They all seem thin, but then again, so does everyone – one thing no one tells you is that people in fashion are very fashion; all glossy hair and high heels. And no one seems to eat; Glamourmagazine has a tough job giving out glazed doughnuts at the entrance; Haagen Dazs can't seem to offload pots of vanilla ice cream. (In case you're wondering, yes, reader, I ate them.)

After the Mark Fast show I head home. I can’t face hanging around with the beautiful people for any longer than is necessary – while the shows themselves are amazing, and 100 per cent worth being here for, the pantomime surrounding them is growing wearisome.

Tuesday - Day five

The shows include Mary Katrantzou, heritage label Aquascutum and wedding favourite Amanda Wakeley in the evening.

Mary Katrantzou opens proceedings with a show at the Topshop venue in the old Eurostar terminal, all non-functioning escalators and high ceilings, showing a collection of acid-bright patterns and metallic accents.

Aquascutum, on the other hand, shows a collection of separates that stays true to the heritage brand while relaxing cuts and incorporating assymetric hems and – once again – plasticised fabrics. Get ready for a sweaty spring/summer.

With only menswear left on my schedule, I will be glad when this is all over, when I can go back to Ireland, where everyone is as pale and unfashionable as I feel and no one with any sense turns down a free doughnut.

From the shows: The trends to take home

PASTEL PALETTE

This season was all about bright colours, with everyone from Mark Fast to Mulberry and Simone Rocha sending models down the runway in candy hues. Take your cues from Mulberry and invest in a bright, lemon-yellow raincoat (oh-so practical!) and think of ice-cream shades for your statement pieces. Mark Fast's sunshine yellow really only suits darker skin tones, but his sunset orange knits (left) could be just the ticket for paler skin.

ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE

It is London, and so the trends showing at London Fashion Week were always going to be very British, but there was something quite sweet in the countryside feel to many shows - from Jaeger London's cute side ponytail to Ashish's sun hats and Mulberry's English holiday- inspired collection, complete with a version of Grace Jones's Walkin' in the Rain. Think a sunny post-war day at the beach, and you're halfway there.

CRYSTAL CLEAR

If one thing is for certain, sheer fabrics are going nowhere this season. Jaeger London's collection was full of sheer fabrics layered over one another, while John Rocha's trademark sheer fabrics were taken up a notch, paired with voluminous skirts.

Meanwhile, at his daughter Simone Rocha's show, brogues were brought up-to-date in sheer perspex with perspex heels, and plastic accents were seen all over.

LADYLIKE CHIC

If autumn-winter is seeing a lot of 1940s-inspired shapes, be prepared to take that back a notch in spring, to the 1930s and 1920s with a lot of designers showing very relaxed ladylike looks. Shapes were looser, waistlines lower at design houses from Paul Costelloe (right) to Mulberry and Jasper Conran. There was far less emphasis on the body - Mark Fast excepted - than in recent collections, and the overall feel was of a very elegant, but not sexy, season.

PRINTS CHARMING

Prints aren't going anywhere, and it was about mixing them up for spring/summer, from cloud prints at House of Holland to sequined thistle print at Ashish and candy-coloured animal motifs with lace appliqués at Mulberry. Holly Fulton's graphic prints were almost Aztec-inspired but with a laid back, Californian feel, while Peter Pilotto's Indonesian-inspired paradise prints are sure to influence many's a high-street collection. - Rosemary Mac Cabe