Judea AD 30: rumours of a new eccentric Baptist

The preacher John has denied speculation that he has given up his mission and is retiring to Galilee to raise bees. "As long as there is breath in my body I intend to do the work of God," he said last night. Yesterday he continued to baptise people in the Jordan and would be doing so for the foreseeable future, he said. This practice, of anointing people with water, has led to him being nicknamed "the Baptist" locally.

The speculation, that at 30 years of age he was to take early retirement, is believed to have been fuelled by an incident at the Jordan last Wednesday when he baptised a fellow preacher.

Philip, a Sadducee from the village of Bethsaida, explained that "this fellow, about the same age as `the Baptist', came out of nowhere and John seemed to hero-worship him. It was amazing. You know John, he bows to no one. But he was like a child. Anyway this other preacher asked to be baptised by him and John refused. He said it should be the other way round."

Nathaniel, a friend of Philip's, said: "I couldn't believe my ears. A humble John, I ask you? But the other fellow insisted. John gave in and baptised him. Then the two of them stopped and stared up into the blue sky. It was weird."

"Jesus," said Paul, a follower of John's. "That's his name, the other preacher. And they weren't staring into the blue sky. John said a dove appeared over Jesus' head just as he was baptising him and God said from Heaven: `This is my dear son. He's a fine fellow.'

"John says Jesus is the one he was sent to prepare the way for. `He has surpassed me because he was before me,' he told us, whatever that means."

Nathaniel said it sounded like a friendly take-over to him. Bartholomew, a Pharisee who joined the group as Paul was explaining about the baptism of Jesus, commented that he always knew John wasn't half right. "All that locusts and camel hair stuff." But any doubts he had were now "well and truly gone. He's off his rocker. Seeing birds and hearing voices. It's time he gave it up."

"Anytime a pigeon hovered over my head it wasn't water I was covered in," said Nathaniel.

"Very restrained for you, Nathaniel," observed Philip.

"It wasn't a pigeon, it was a dove," said Paul, "but it's worse than that." And he told them Jesus was from Nazareth. The other three men laughed.

Bartholomew commented: "Need I say more?"

Philip said: "Sure, nothing decent ever came out of Nazareth." And he thought it extraordinary that John would defer to anyone from there. "This is the man whose sandals he is not fit to tie? I just don't believe it," he said.

Paul said: "It's even worse. John said Jesus was descended from Adam, through Noah, Abraham, King David, and Joshua. And, even worse again, he said Jesus is the Son of God."

The other three seemed to laugh for an age. Nathaniel, shaking involuntarily, gripped his right side where his stomach muscles were hurting. Catching breath, Bartholomew said: "Ah, well. That's that."

"God is a Jew, right?" blurted Nathaniel. "And he has a son, right? Can you imagine any Jewish father saying to anybody `This is my dear son. He's a fine fellow'?" He quoted God in an attempted stern, bass tone and he laughed painfully again.

"Who's his mother? I wouldn't mind seeing what type God goes for," said Philip, recovering his composure. Bartholomew remarked that he never realised "the old man got up to that sort of thing. I wonder has he any daughters?"

Paul, who had been silent through all this high hilarity, said he was depressed and deeply disappointed in John. He felt "the Baptist" was taking a back seat, and he didn't like Jesus at all.

"He's far too sure of himself," he said. "The way he goes on you'd think he was God Almighty. A real know-all. He knows everything," he added with a dismissive gesture of his hand. He was going back to his cousins in Kroc. "I think I might go home to Tarsus from there. I might even change my name back to Saul." With that he left.

"Now there goes a young man growing up," said Bartholomew. "Next thing he'll be a Pharisee."

Philip disagreed. "Not a chance. If he has any sense at all he'll be a Sadducee," he said.