This, as tentatively predicted yesterday by Kevin O'Sullivan in The Irish Times, is Earth Day 2000. The event will be marked throughout the world by countless environmental divertissements of indisputable utility. Talleyrand's famous dictum, point de zele, will be totally ignored.
In the United States, for example, the highlight of the day will be a television programme featuring Leonardo DiCaprio, late of the Titanic, discussing climate change with President Clinton. According to Leo's spokesman, the aptly named Ken Sunshine, the modest boy is "perplexed that this all became such a big deal; all he ever wanted and wants is for lots of people to learn a lot about global warming".
Not everyone agrees, however, that Earth Day 2000 is really on today at all. According to my impeccable sources on the Internet, the real Earth Day was established in 1970, on March 21st, the vernal equinox, by a certain elderly evangelist called John McConnell. He first suggested it to the mayor of San Francisco, who was pleased, and then to U Thant, Secretary General of the United Nations, who was quite enthralled and there and then declared that henceforth, March 21st must always be the Earth Day
And so, it seems, it was for several years. But then someone started another Earth Day, that which we celebrate today. According to Mr McConnell's supporters: "April 22nd is not the authentic Earth Day but a power play to supplant the original Earth Day and use the event for political purposes. While promoting environmental action, the April 22nd organisers were politically motivated and devious in their methods. John McConnell's Earth Day on the first day of Spring was a much better idea." To which Weather Eye can only respond in Virgil's words, Non nostrum inter vos tantas componere lites: "It is not for us to settle such a great dispute between ye!"
Of course, when you think about it, there are other, more fundamental difficulties as well. Arthur C. Clarke many years ago drew attention to the relatively small areas of land on our planet which protrude above the vast surrounding seas. Ours is the only member of the solar system blessed with oceans, and the only one whose temperature allows water to exist simultaneously in all three states - liquid, solid and gas. The water extends over a total area of some 140 million square miles, covering 71 per cent of the surface; its total volume is about 326 cubic miles, and it has an average depth of a little over two miles. "How inappropriate," he mused, "to call this planet Earth, when clearly it is Ocean".