Sperm donation: May be second choice but it's not second best

Attitudes to egg and sperm donation have moved on a lot, with people much more open about the process

A British couple who became parents to two children by sperm donation close to 30 years ago say Irish couples are very receptive to the idea.

Walter Merricks and his wife, Olivia Montuschi, discovered they couldn’t have children together because of male infertility. Arising out of donor insemination, the couple had William (29) and Susanna (26), each with different donor sperm.

Shortly after the birth of their children, the London-based couple founded the Donor Conception Network to assist couples in similar situations to themselves.

Montuschi encourages families to feel “proud” rather than “ashamed” about having their children via sperm or egg donation. “Because infertility is something that nobody chooses. Nobody has any control over it. It is something that happens to you.”

The couple flew over to Ireland some weeks ago for a talk organised by the Cork Fertility Centre. They expected to meet about 30 people who either have had children by sperm/egg donation or were looking into having a family using this method. Montuschi says she was surprised by the 130 people who attended the meeting and pleased with the ease at which they discussed fertility.

Courage

“Maybe it was the collective courage gathered from finding themselves in a room full of people who shared their situation, but these parents [and some would-be parents] were happy to talk to each other. They were hungry for information and most of all to know that they were not alone.”

Montuschi says it typically takes a couple a gestation period of thinking and grieving for the child they are unable to conceive together before they make the decision to use a donor.

“The time you take is important. We decided we wanted to be parents together and we felt we had good things to offer. I know Walter in particular felt he might not be able to pass his genes on but he could pass on his values in life.”

Merricks, who was formerly the chief financial ombudsman for the UK, says it is vital that couples come to their decision feeling well prepared about what they are going to do. “This may be a second choice but not second best. Okay, this is not maybe where we would have started but it is where we are going. We can now feel that we have made that decision and there is a route down which we are going to go together.”