"From the age of five or six I wanted to avoid food. Back then my aim was not to be thin but to have some control over my life. There was a lot happening and I seemed to have no control over people and events.
Food was the way I chose to give me what I needed. If I stayed thin, I was keeping that control," remembers Marie Devine.
At 18 she went into nurse training. She married at 20 and enjoyed a happy decade during which her eating problems seemed to recede. Then at age 30 her marriage ended suddenly and traumatically and at a time of confusion and loss she turned again to starving herself to regain control.
"Over the next 10 years my weight went to dangerously low levels. I was at times extremely ill, my two children were taken into foster care, I was in and out of hospital, desperate to get well, to have my children back and make a home, but not eating had become an addictive way of being, my security blanket. I had no self-esteem, I had heart and bone problems due to starvation, I was at times suicidal and self-harmed.
"Coming up to my fortieth birthday, I just hanging in there and really wanting to change my life My consultant told me of a new self-help group Bodywhys and suggested I join. I had never been in a group and remember going in to the room and for the first time in 20 years felt I could breathe. These people understood, I didn't have to explain. They knew. It was wonderful.
"With their support, and the help of some close friends, I was encouraged to enter a hospital eating disorder programme. This time I was doing it for me, nobody else, because I deserved a life. I went on the programme and never looked back.
"It was a long road but today I am fully recovered. My children returned to me and we made a home together. I returned to nursing, took on further studies and I am doing very well in my career. When I came out of hospital, I went straight to Bodywhys because I felt I couldn't continue without their support, but the meetings had been ended due to problems with accommodation. I got together with some other women and together we began the meetings again. I facilitated the first one, and today I am the chairperson of the organisation.
"I am speaking out now in the hope that someone or their family will know that there is hope that they can believe they are worth saving, that their life is worth something and it is so worth while getting well."
(Interviewed by Anne Dempsey)
Minding the Mind series continues at St John of God Hospital, Stillorgan, Co Dublin for the next four Tuesdays (including tonight) at 8pm. For further information, telephone 01-2881781
Bodywhys has a network of support groups round the country. Details from their website www.bodywhys.ie or their helpline at 01-2835126.