That's men for you Padraig O'Morain's guide to men's health
In a recent column, I addressed readers who might, knowingly or unknowingly, be workplace bullies.
But what if you are being bullied? How can you protect your mental health?
The effects of persistent bullying can continue long after victim or bully has moved to another job.
Victims can become resentful and bitter. They can feel betrayed by employers and colleagues. Their confidence may be shattered.
That is why the people who leave their job after a prolonged period of bullying are at risk of remaining unemployed for a long time afterwards.
They may find it hard to apply for jobs, to get through interviews or to go into a new workplace with any confidence that they will be treated well.
If you are bullied at work, how can you protect yourself against the emotional effects of what is going on?
The first thing you need to do is to be careful of how you use your mind.
You need to be aware of the message behind this quote from the South African anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko: "The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed."
Sometimes, the bully only has to attack his or her victim now and then.
The victim does the rest of the work by brooding and replaying the incident over and over again while the bully sleeps peacefully.
Therefore, it is very important if you are a victim of workplace bullying to spot your tendency to endlessly replay these scenes. When you get into a replay, bring your attention back to whatever is going on around you right now - even if all that is going on is that you are breathing in and out.
Also watch out for the tendency to endlessly fantasise about what you could or should have said and get your mind back into the present moment.
You may have to do this many, many times a day, but it is worth the effort.
Talk to friends and relatives who are supportive, and who will listen to you - but don't forget to talk about other things too. Talking helps but not if you are endlessly reliving the bullying.
Get exercise to burn off some of that stress.
Sitting at home, going over every single detail of what has happened and of how you have been let down, is far less healthy than taking a brisk walk.
You need to avoid comforting yourself by eating or drinking too much.
Too much food or alcohol may bring some relief from the pain but ultimately they will simply leave you feeling bad about yourself.
If you have kids or a partner or friend be involved with them. Do normal things. Do not let this monster take over your life.
Finally, if your complaints and representations are getting you nowhere, give serious consideration to leaving the job.
If your employer allows you to be abused like this, why continue working for him or her?
Watch out for the martyr syndrome in which you tell yourself you have to stay so that your colleagues won't have to experience bullying.
Your destruction will do absolutely nothing to help your colleagues.
But if you decide to leave, be wise about how you do it. Wait until you have another job to go to.
The old saying that says it's easier to get the job if you are already have one is as true today as it ever was.
When you are bullied, somebody is taking away your control over your experience of your workplace. But there is something that you can still control - and that is take care of your mental and physical health.
Of course, you shouldn't have to take these measures but this is the hand you have been dealt - so play it as best you can for the sake of your own wellbeing.
And if you have never been bullied in the workplace, consider yourself fortunate.
If it ever does happen, remember that taking care of yourself is more important than taking care of the bully.
pomorain@irish-times.ie
Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.