THE BIGGER PICTURE: Sex is a wonderful, natural part of being human, and I'm certain it's meant to be enjoyed. There seems no other reason why we'd have such intense concentrations of nerve endings in the sexual parts of our bodies that, when responded to well, experience such pleasure.
However, despite the musings of popular culture, there's more to sex than the superficial.
There is something important about the self we bring to sex, the self we engage with and the journey that develops (and I'm not talking about babies). There's something to sex that requires more of our thought and imagination. Somehow, with all our pre-occupations with sex itself, we seem to have missed out on how to really understand and enjoy that part of our humanity that is sexuality.
The trouble is widespread. Many of our religious leaders from many of our traditions have and continue to tell us that the pleasure of sex is essentially bad and something to limit and control. On this idea, both East and West seem united. Our scientists see sexual pleasure as a matter of fact - a simple motivator in order to ensure we'll care to reproduce. In the middle of it all, our advertisers have been having a field day, using it to sell us their products.
We've probably never been more confused about sex as we are right now in our society. Something's gone terribly wrong. We seem to think that the more of it you're having or the more people you've had it with, the more liberated you are. Not so. The greatest part of the confusion has been believing that sexuality and sexual activity are good measures of each other.
There's a great difference between personal levels of self-esteem, power, creativity and worth; and how and when we have sex. Sexuality is something we are born with that takes in many aspects of our selves, deeply and intrinsically. It affects many parts of our lives, above and beyond our engagement in sexual activity. It's an incredibly important part of being human. If we weren't so confused, sexuality likely wouldn't stand out this starkly as an aspect of self that requires attention. It would be a solid part of the whole package.
More than anything, sexuality is about how much we love ourselves. We are entitled to complete love of ourselves in every way, from our physical bodies to our movements, ideas, creative expressions and interactions.
We've made a mistake of boxing sexuality into only that which focuses on, teases or manipulates the sensations of our genitalia. Rather, a huge and important part of our sexuality is, in fact, power.
While the lack of power is greatly debilitating in all aspects of our lives, the embodiment of power is probably the greatest force that will ever touch us. Power realised in ourselves can heal completely, inspire and make the impossible come true. Power is not shown through domination or control - neither of others or ourselves. This is a myth, and more likely an extremely well acted out display of a lack of power than anything else.
Power embodied - personified in you, your real self - emanates through you, attracts others to you and gives you both the opportunity to interact and the awareness to decide at what level these relationships engage with you.
Our sexuality can be expressed in all that we are. As a part of our self, it can add and contribute to everything we do, interacting in all our relationships. Sexual activity, while an important part of our lives, is valuable only in a selection of places.
Again, we get confused, believing that all affection translates into sexual affection and that flirting and innuendoes are the only ways to relax and have fun in conversation. Somehow, if we sexualise the encounter, we feel we've made a greater connection. In truth, we lack focus about our power and the value of different interactions.
When we bring all of our self - including our overwhelming passion for ourselves - into our interactions, there is no doubt we will not only enjoy ourselves but also be attractive to others. Just as it makes no sense to sexualise all our encounters, it is completely ridiculous to choose to hide parts of our fabulous selves.
Our sexuality is the fun and delight we have with our power and our whole self. It shows in our sheer glee to be who we are, our irresistible desire to share it with others, and our craving to know and enjoy those around us.
Sex, on the other hand, is quite specific: it is the decision and opportunity to let someone else in close - someone with whom we are well matched and have developed friendship, trust and intimacy.
With these things in place, we can embark on a journey of vulnerability, learning and profound pleasure.
It is a wonder of growth, forward movement and connection, and anything but superficial
• Shalini Sinha has worked as a life coach and counsellor and presents the intercultural programme, Mono, on RTÉ Television. She has a BA in comparative religion and anthropology and an MA in women's studies.