Final whistle is only thing Biffo has yet to blow

BRIAN COWEN may not have been elected Taoiseach by the people, but he has squatter’s rights now and it’ll take more than the wrath of a nation and a few windy Greens to shift him.

The game is up.

He knows it. His party knows it. Most of them want to head for the showers; they’ve had enough.

But Cowen is still in possession of the whistle, and until he decides to blow it, his woeful Government continues. (Ironically, it’s about the only thing he hasn’t blown during his disastrous tenure as Taoiseach.)

After last week’s ludicrous denials about a bailout, Cowen can’t even stand on his dignity anymore – that’s gone. So he is standing by the budget instead.

It should see him over the Christmas period, unless his backbench colleagues decide they want to ditch him as soon as possible. But they’ve never been any great shakes in the backbone department.

Yesterday began with high drama from the Green Party. They said they had met on Saturday and decided to abandon their great government experiment. On Sunday, their two Ministers attended a lengthy Cabinet meeting, but didn’t breathe a word of their intention to their senior colleagues.

Instead, the party surprised everyone by calling a morning press conference, where they announced they are remaining in their marriage to Fianna Fáil for the sake of the budget. But once that is out of the way, they’re leaving and taking their unparalleled goodness and sense of superiority with them.

The news came as a shock to Fianna Fáil. An election in January is inevitable. Backbenchers headed for the lifeboats. It’s every deputy for himself/herself now.

Naturally, Michael Lowry and Jackie Healy-Rae were first out of the traps. “The people of Ireland – they’re bewildered,” said Lowry. They’re not. They’re bloody angry.

Healy-Rae, speaking “ex cap-thedra” from Kerry, looked to the international dimension.

“I am vurry disappointed with d’IMF,” sniffed Jackie. D’IMF had been in the Merrion Hotel for the best part of last week “and I was never told a thing about it!”

So what. Neither were Ministers Dempsey and Ahern, it seems, when they made eejits of themselves on television, swearing that no negotiations were taking place on a bailout a few days before the IMF and EU breezed in to look at the books.

Both Ministers are said to be very sore about this. One wonders if they begged their Taoiseach to stay in government when the FF Ministers went into emergency session late in the afternoon.

As is their wont, the Greens, having lobbed in their grenade, retreated to a safe distance and reimposed radio silence.

Minister Eamon Ryan travelled to Galway, where he officially opened a “world class emergency call answering service”, which was rather appropriate, on the day that was in it.

So what was to happen, with the economic bailiffs at the nation’s door and the political bailiffs outside Biffo’s door?

Fine Gael and Labour demanded an immediate election. (Although it would suit them for Fianna Fáil to be stuck with the budget before getting turfed from office. Then they could blame the departed Soldiers of Destiny for the dreadful cuts and taxes they will be forced to implement.)

It was suggested that if they were to table a motion of no confidence in the Government, it would put it up to all those FFers and Independents who are wavering.

They said they would think about it.

It was a strange day around Leinster House. Eerily quiet, with few deputies and Senators about. The noise of Sinn Féin protesters up the road at the gates of Government Buildings drifted through swing doors.

The Opposition now finds itself in a difficult situation on the budget.

Some deputies complained of the “moral blackmail” being applied by the Government – telling them to wear the green jersey and vote for the budget for the greater good.

But if they do that, how many opportunist FF backbenchers will vote against it, then go to their constituencies and argue that the Opposition had voted for the cuts? As the day wore on, rumour grew that Cowen was going to go to the park and ask for a dissolution of the Dáil.

Fianna Fáil Ministers were nowhere to be seen. There wasn’t a peep out of party spokespeople.

Finally, word came of a press conference at 7pm.

Cowen arrived at the microphone in Government Buildings with his FF Ministers in tow. They all looked like they were about to face a firing squad. (Apart, that is, from Ministers Dempsey and Ahern, who looked like they wanted to do some firing.)

Giving it a bit of Godot, Biffo declared “I’ll Go On!”

And so he is. Whether we like it or not.

He may be doing what Europe wants, and what the Green Party wants, but the greater public will not have been so pleased to hear he is not for turning.

“I do have the confidence of my Coalition partners,” said Cowen, shooting a pained expression at the person suggesting the opposite.

Did the Taoiseach really just say that?

That he has the confidence of the Green Party which pulled the plug on his Government a few hours earlier?

His statement caused some raised eyebrows, but nobody questioned him further. Nobody really believes him now.

“I’m the democratically elected leader of this party and I’m Taoiseach of this country,” he said defiantly.

In name only.