BUT FOR the treachery of Fat Cat Slim, it would have been a great couple of days. “Alan Dukes is perfectly entitled to his opinion,” smiled Enda sweetly, all mature and reasonable.
Here’s the translation: “That skinny fecker Dukes shudda kept his mouth shut and said nothing, instead of sticking his oar in and making a show of us over Nama.”
This display of disloyalty (because that’s what FG deputies and senators were calling it) by a former leader has deeply pained the parliamentary party members, who went around yesterday hissing that you’d expect flak from Fianna Fáil, but not from one of your own.
“He’s gone native” concluded one disgruntled deputy, stung by their honorary vice-president’s dismissal of the party’s solution to the banking crisis. “They put him on the board of Anglo Irish Bank and he lost the run of himself.”
But Indakinny isn’t bothered. Oh no. “I’m not interested in having academic discussions about models of economics” he sniffed tartly. “My job is politics.” Here’s the translation: “Your job isn’t politics anymore because you hadn’t a clue, and I’m going to be the next taoiseach. Cheerio and shut the door on your way out.”
To add further authority to his studied nonchalance, Enda stressed that, in “profoundly” disagreeing with Alan’s opinion on the National Agency for Distressed High Rollers, he was speaking “as leader of the largest party in the country.” Just dropped that line in for its sheer deliciousness. Overall majority, anyone? “This is not beyond a possibility” ventured the Fine Gael leader during his press conference at the end of the party’s two-day “tink-in” in Cavan.
And nobody laughed when he said it. A year ago, had dippity Kinny been brazen enough to make such an outlandish prediction, the massed ranks of the media would have been rolling around on the floor.
Even the questions were pitched with the subtext that it’s only a matter of time before Enda is taoiseach. As in: “What will be the first three things you’ll do in power?” “I’m glad you’re thinking that way” he shot back happily.
The perfidious utterances of Fat Cat Slim aside, FG is preparing for power. For politicians, nothing could be more sweet. Sweeter even than the cocktail of the day in the Raddison on the Farnham Estate, which was called “Drunk on Chocolate”. Not half as good as drunk on power. On Monday, it was a cucumber martini, made with “muddled gin”.
Much gin and a most convivial evening it was too, with a big dinner laid on and a funny speech from a very relaxed Enda. The chairman of the Oireachtas press gallery replied on behalf of the sozzled media, complimenting the party for allowing the hacks stay in the same hotel. Fianna Fáil’s paranoia and hostility is such that they have taken to block-booking all the rooms at the venues for their recent think-ins, just in case the hacks might see what they get up to in the early hours.
After all, they allowed the media into the Galway tent, and look where that got them.
The Blueshirts preened and tut-tutted at this lack of hospitality and bad manners from the Soldiers of Destiny. “They make you stay somewhere else? That’s shockin’, so it is.”
But talk of Alan Dukes was top of the agenda in the bar. What was he at? Puzzled deputies couldn’t work it out.
By yesterday morning, as comments were sought from a leadership determined to remain aloof, Richard Bruton managed to speak of “a general disappointment and incredulity” at the position taken by Dukes.
Then a hero of the hour emerged. None other than that giant of a man from Longford, deputy James “Bonkers” Bannon, who came to the fore with a pre-season eruption on the subject. Alan Dukes should resign immediately from his position as vice-president, he fumed.
That put it up to Enda. “What are you going to do about it?” He paused for a moment, before replying “were you asking me about James Bannon or Alan Dukes?” Kenny’s personal popularity rating may need to be improved, but as he told Morning Ireland: “I’m working my ass off” to get Fine Gael into government.
What with him working his ass off, his approach to leadership sounds like its straight out of the Strictly Come Dancing school of management. “I lead from the front and shove from the back. I’m happy with the impetus behind Fine Gael.”
Swing those hips, Inda! Not long to go now. And anyway, Alan Dukes is probably a rotten dancer.