It's a jungle out there for mums, who are the first to be judged if they leave their babies - even for the shortest time. Louise Holden reports on leaving the little ones. When can you go and what can you do?
Poor Kerry and Jordan. They're deep in the jungle on a career rescue mission and all anyone can talk about are Harvey, Molly and Lily Sue - the babies they've left behind. It's enough to send this parent into a shame spiral. I've been looking around for a week-long holiday from my little lad this summer and it never even occurred to me that eyebrows might be raised.
First off, I'll get the righteous feminist indignation off the plate. No one, but no one, ever complains when Tony Blair, Jamie Oliver or Brian McFadden leave their children for a week. Enough said.
More importantly, however, is the issue of the children. Are they likely to suffer acute psychological trauma as a result of a mummy-free week? If they are, it suggests to this writer that they have been overmothered. Every child needs a chance to bond with other adults - fathers and grandparents, in particular.
A parent knows how well-socialised her son or daughter is. There are potential problems associated with extended separation from one's mother, but most mothers know their children well enough to anticipate such problems and address them.
The first, and most important, consideration is separation anxiety. Babies and small children can have trouble believing that an absent parent will ever return, especially between the ages of 12 and 18 months. In order for a child to feel secure about a parent leaving, they need the experience of regular goodbyes always followed by hellos, be they minutes, hours or days later.
If you have to leave a child for an extended period, prep him or her with a couple of overnight or weekend separations.
The second issue to consider when preparing to leave your child is respect for their routine. Children are comforted by sameness and if you can preserve as much of their usual routine as possible they are less likely to become anxious. Therefore, if they are being minded outside your home, bring as many of their usual props to the new venue as you can manage, and document, with military precision, their daily routine for their carer. Even if the carer is their father, don't assume that he knows that you give them strawberry yoghurt every day around the time Joe Duffy comes on.
If, for the duration of your absence, you call to speak with them at the same time every day, they will be reassured by that regularity and will continue to feel your consistent presence in their lives.
Dr Alan Greene, a child psychologist and agony uncle, suggests sleeping in a soft jumper for a couple of days before you leave and putting the garment in the child's cot, so that they will pick up your scent at night. He also warns parents to expect some punishment on return.
"When your child first sees you again she may be standoffish. This would not be a sign that she has forgotten you, but is one way she has of expressing how much she missed you. Be warmly available to her, but not intrusive. Let her draw you in." Most of the anxiety that parents feel on leaving their children relates to their own longing for the child, and not the child's longing for them. If you can leave your child successfully with another loving adult now and again, you're probably doing them a favour.
So Harvey, Molly and Lily Sue will likely not end up in therapy because their mothers chose to eat cockroaches in the jungle for a week. Can't speak for Kerry and Jordan, though.
Parent Trends: What's going on in the world of parenting?
Skipping breakfast increases the risk of tooth decay for children, according to a study in this month's Journal of the American Dental Association.
"Specifically, not eating breakfast every day was found to be associated with overall caries (tooth decay) experience and untreated decay in the primary dentition in children aged two through five years," the authors wrote.
'Couch potato' toddlers warning
University of Glasgow researchers have found that three-year-olds spend just 25 minutes a day exercising, half the recommended time. Writing in The Lancet, they say parents must be educated about the importance of exercise for very young children.
Dr John Reilly, who led the research, said: "There is a widespread perception among parents and health and educational professionals that young children are spontaneously active. But something we show is that children, well before they go to school, are as inactive as many office workers. They are old before their time."
He added that children spent far more time watching television than in the past.
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