There's doom and gloom in the staff room

A sense of gloom pervades the staffroom. This is at least as unseasonable as the principal was generous in his easing staff back to full days in the classroom. Pat spreads the doom and gloom in his corner of the staffroom that he has inhabited for years with his usual cronies. He has been turned down for the third time in his bid to avail of the early retirement package. He blames the Department, the board of management the principal and just about anybody else he can think about. It has never been clear which strand of the early retirement scheme Pat has applied for.

The staffroom wag has christened the three strands of the early retirememt scheme as bad, mad and sad. It has exercised the minds of staff for months as to which strand any self-respecting teacher would apply under. Three members of staff who had been on career breaks return. Looking around the staffroom they soon see that nothing has changed. Theresa comes back in the same outfit she left in five years ago. She takes up where she left off complaining about her timetable, the fact that she has last class on a Friday evening and the staffroom kettle is still the same size after all her efforts to have the principal buy a new kettle more in keeping with the increased number of tea-drinking staff.

The first staff meeting is an edgy affair. Pat has decided that he will oppose just about everything. Just when everybody was ready to head off to the staffroom for their break he puts up his hand under A.O.B. This could spell trouble. "What are we going to do about stopping the kids using chewing gum? The principal launches in to a long-winded explanation of school rules, the role of the form teacher only to be interrupted by an exasperated Pat. "Would you please stick to the chewing gum issue?" Sniggers all round. "And while I'm at it, why is that fella Smith back in class 2F. So much for a `bullying charter'. I always knew I should have pasted him to the wall last May."

"The bullying charter refers to staff as well," interrupts the principal as he gets red around the gills. The union rep shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Sufficient number of staff not interested in a confrontation so early in the year begin to shuffle, giving the principal the opportunity to draw the meeting to a close. One could only hope that someone had left earlier to boil the kettle.