The first weeks are the hardest

For us parents, the experience of the first weeks when our child goes to school for the first time can be a time of great excitement - but it may also cause feelings of apprehension and anxiety.

You have done all the right things to prepare for school. You have attended the induction day and the reception day in the school, and, all went very well. You have read all of the leaflets and advice sheets and tried to ensure that your child is as prepared as possible. Yet there are unanswered questions.

How is my child fitting in with a large group of children?

How can the teacher cope with the individual needs of all the children in the group?

What happens if my child becomes hungry?

How do the children cope with going to the toilet on their own?

What happens if my child becomes lonely and wants to come home?

How will the teacher react if my child throws a tantrum?

Should I leave a toy in the schoolbag?

Could my child possibly run out of the school?

What happens if my child falls asleep - as waking up early has become a bit of a problem?

As parents of first children starting school, it is not unusual that we might have some anxieties; our children are entering a whole new world of school which probably appears very different to the schools we attended.

Yet, in many ways, your problems are probably not very different from those faced by your parents in their day.

Teachers have training and experience in coping with difficulties and problems that arise. However, as your children and their well-being are so important, you need answers and an assurance that everything is going to be all right.

It is worthwhile and interesting to talk to your own parents, or friends who have experience of the school, or parents of children at the same stage as yourself. Talk with them about your feelings and listen to what they have to say. It is amazing the similarities we find between us and the support and reassurance that is available.

If you still have nagging doubts about issues, contact the teacher. It is advisable to wait until the other children have left the classroom before you request a few minutes with her or him; or you can use whatever procedure is in place in the school for parents and teachers to meet.

If at all possible, ask a friend to mind your child while you are talking - because you may pass on feelings of anxiety and apprehension to your child if he or she can hear what you are saying.

It also helps to remember that the teacher may be tired and drained at the end of the day with a new class and a new set of parents, so allow a few moments. Before you get into the specifics of why you want to talk, spend a few moments talking about what the day was like.

When I was an infant teacher, it was very encouraging and relaxing to have a chat with a parent at the end of the day, when the non-stop bustle and shuffle of moving from one activity to the next had stopped.

When you come to your "problem", try to be as specific as possible; listen carefully to the answers and direction you are given. In the great majority of cases you will find that teachers have met similar problems before and will be able to reassure you and assist you in supporting the child settling into the procedures of the class. However, if you are still unsure, make another arrangement to meet to discuss how matters are progressing.

There are A number of "safeguards" in regard to the infant child in school which will make life less complicated and more comfortable for everyone.

Mark your child's name clearly on everything which can be moved or left sitting around during the day. Lunchboxes, lids, beakers, schoolbags, books, caps, coats, scarves, gloves, runners, shoes, tracksuit tops, pullovers and sports tops should have a name on them. There is always confusion, upset and waste of time when they go missing - or, as the child will generally indicate, have been "stolen". Mark everything.

Watch out for notices on the infant-class noticeboard or classroom door. You may be requested to have your child dressed in a tracksuit and runners on particular days for physical education. You may be instructed where to leave specific items such as lunchboxes. From time to time an old shirt or some material may be requested for art class.

Your child will be given notes about particular happenings in the school from time to time; it is advisable to check in the school bag, as little children often forget about them.

Children use up huge amounts of materials, so if you have access to computer paper, other paper, straws, cardboard or anything that might be useful, talk with the teacher. Books are always gratefully received for the class library.

During the year you will have opportunities to share information about your child's progress and general development with you child's Teacher. However, if there is a health problem, a family problem or a bereavement, go in confidence to the teacher. Children who are upset or anxious will find it difficult to relax and learn in class. Similarly, if there is something in school that is causing upset, share it with the teacher.

Children at the infant-class age are at different stages of development with their learning, so avoid comparisons with other children - they can be invidious and harmful. Some children may be able to read or even write, but generally they all need and enjoy play, rhymes, story and lots of physical activity.

Help your child to build up self-confidence. If you child is happy, relaxed and learning at school, you have nothing to worry about. The overriding question at this stage has to be: "Is my child happy in school?"

Praise, encouragement, fun, plenty of talk and activity are what your child will benefit most from at this stage. Your love and care and a positive attitude towards learning and school will help your child settle down quickly and bridge the gap between home and school.