HELP! Let me out of here! Your guide to taking the stress out of school is the brilliant new title in a series by Kathryn Lamb, author of Help! My Family Is Driving Me Crazy, and Help! My Social Life is a Mess.
The series is aimed at 10- to 15-year-olds. Self-help books for this age group are rarely genuinely funny. Mostly, the humour is off, and it's all a bit heavy on "what would be best for you, dear". While this one is full of tips, they are conveyed with so much wit that the agony of reality sort of evaporates. None of your "feel the fear/embrace your pain" carry-on. The advice is subtle, and do-able. The thickly illustrated paperback is based around five cartoon characters: Angelica Toogod, Basil Broke (Baz), Soumik Sen, Amy Average and Steve Cash. They each come complete with a family tree and unfortunate personality traits which may ring a few bells with parents.
Amy runs out the door in the morning leaving more or less everything behind - except her make-up; Baz rarely makes it to school in matching socks; Angelica wears her skirt so long she invariably trips down the stairs; Soumik "likes to arrange his clothes in a straight line across his bedroom floor so that he steps out of bed straight into his socks then steps into his underpants, trousers and shirt and so on until he reaches his shoes"; Steve prefers to switch off the alarm clock, roll over and go back to sleep.
If yours is a Soumik, you've a Virgo on your hands, and there's not a lot can be done. Personally, I am the proud owner of a Baz. These have a bit more potential, but don't raise your hopes. He laughed his way through the book but, no, he didn't think it would help him with his problems.
Although admittedly he doesn't really feel he has a problem, apart from me.
However, the focus of this book is more on how to cope with school - more specifically, the embarrassment of school. So we get tips on teachers you like/don't like, trendy teachers who embarrass you by knowing more hip stuff then you do and the straight-up embarrassing teachers who make rude comments about, of all things, your hair.
There is brilliant advice on homework and helpful hints on how to fake illness to get out of some unacceptable school chore. Good excuses for girls trying to get out of sports include, of course, period pains - though you'll have to be more inventive; using this one once a week could see you in a specialist clinic (God, how embarrassing!). Boys are advised to go for migraine. Fainting and emotional problems, while having a Nineties edge, may lack plausibility for even the coolest of teachers.
Ultimately, says Lamb, the way to cope is to relax, get a bit organised, and above all, don't let it get to you.
Help! Let Me Out of Here puts the whole school fiasco into perspective, and it is absolutely hilarious. I can't wait for Help! I Hate My Life, Your Guide to Taking the Stress Out of Technology/The Car/ Men and many more.
Help! Let Me Out of Here is published by Piccadilly (£5.99 sterling)
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