Negative attitudes mean everyone loses out

Teaching Matters: One of the biggest changes I have encountered during my time in teaching is the transformation in the attitudes of a huge number of parents and children towards school.

Most parents will say that they value education, want the very best for their child and recognise the value of a good education. Indeed, many people who emigrated have returned to Ireland because they want their child to benefit from the good education available here. But this message often doesn't get across to their children.

Their children attend school because it is compulsory. It is totally uncool for a young person to admit to liking school. We can all accept that. But many children bring a negative attitude with them which leads to all sorts of problems. Their parents are the ones with the ambitions; the kids just go along and put in the time. This leads to disaffection, disrespect for the work of the teacher and lack of discipline.

Discipline problems in schools have increased in both frequency and severity. Why do we have to waste so much time and energy dealing with discipline instead of teaching? Because without some sort of discipline, it is impossible to teach and learn. Children should feel safe and happy at school. We don't want to return to the days when children were afraid of adults, but a little respect would go a long way.

Much of the problem begins at home and is brought into school. Parents are often very busy with the fast pace of working life and the lack of child-friendly work practices in Ireland. There is less time to spend with children. Nowadays, we spend the weekend ferrying our children to games practice, drama or music while we catch up on shopping, washing, ironing, gardening etc. We all have so little time. Schools are expected to fill the gap. How many parents took the time to bring their child to an art gallery, a museum or a play this weekend? How many went for a walk, or even sat down to a family meal? Do we know our child's attitude to what's happening in the world?

Parents often spend a huge amount of money on toys and computer games to keep children amused. We all want the best for our children, but are we trying too hard to create ideal childhoods, giving them everything we'd have liked? They ask; they get. Even when parents threaten they'll forfeit their birthday present if they misbehave, children know this is a false threat.

Many children are deeply unhappy, insecure and sometimes angry about the breakdown of families. They bring this to school and transfer their anger to the other significant adult in their world - the teacher. We cannot underestimate the damage family breakdown can cause to children - the confusion about why parents are not together, the anger at one parent for breaking up the family and the arrival of different adults into the household. One child was heard to say in a school yard recently: "I see that Mark is your dad this year. He was mine last year. He's great, isn't he?" Adults find relationships difficult enough, but how are children expected to understand them?

Unfortunately, we're very limited in the amount of support we can offer children and sometimes we don't know what's happening in their lives at home to upset them so much. Inconsistent discipline can confuse children. Perhaps the fact they never have to help out at home or earn pocket money means they have little value on the treats they receive. The pace of life means they want everything immediately.

Schools are trying hard to engage children with an interesting curriculum, stimulating activities and a broad range of subjects. But the fun and enjoyment are often ruined by indiscipline. It takes up time and spoils the atmosphere for everyone. It also saps teachers' morale. One day, I was helping some children finish up a project to meet a deadline because they had missed school. One child said: "Thanks, teacher" and another piped up: "You don't have to thank her; it's her job." Where did this attitude come from?

But that's mild in comparison to some of the incidents colleagues report. Children realise that schools have no real sanctions except suspension. Without the active support of parents we are fighting a losing battle. A small number of students can hold the rest of a class to ransom. The use of foul language directed towards teachers is on the increase. Temper outbursts and fights in school can be very violent and little remorse is shown after the event. This violent undercurrent is very worrying and we often see the results on our streets at weekends. I think that children are desensitised to violence through video games and the media.

And what of the children who don't misbehave in school? In all honesty, they get little reward because so much time is spent dealing with the minority. I discussed this with a social worker recently. She was arranging a holiday for a student and explained he was so out of control that the only thing they could do was bring him to an adventure centre where he took part in lots of activities every day. Then, when he returned to school, he'd continue to participate in fun activities to keep him occupied and out of trouble. I'd love to be able to offer a holiday to the well-behaved children.

• Valerie Monaghan is principal of Scoil Chiarán National School, Glasnevin, Dublin