RADIO REVIEW:JUST WHEN we thought we were back to normal service. Like Houdini, Bertie Ahern stood on the red carpet at Government Buildings and, with his sour-faced colleagues by his side, made his political career disappear. It will be one month-long air-kiss goodbye.
His supporters were straight-telling on the wireless, giving it up for the great man, stubbornly refusing to discuss succession. "Today is a day for Bertie Ahern," they said before puckering up for their close-ups in front of that little red studio light.
Many paid odd off-the-cuff tributes. Mary Harney said how relaxed and happy he looked, while Enda Kenny balanced precariously between his stance on Ahern's financial ethics and the need for etiquette. Try that while not speaking out of both sides of your mouth.
But there were such a lot of head-the-balls pulling up outside studios, phone lines jammerooed with commentators and civilians, I wondered who this day was actually for. So many people backed into their own spotlight, I feared a citywide blackout.
Ahern's detractors modestly warded off nasty allegations they helped bring him down by their reporting of his finances. "Me, sir? No, sir!" Deep down, you got the feeling quite a few could get used to being centre stage in momentous political dramas.
Wednesday's Today With Pat Kenny (RTÉ Radio One, Mon-Fri) was hosted by Myles Dungan. He lucked out filling in for Kenny, it being an historical occasion and all that. And he was clearly making the best of every juicy minute of it.
Philip Boucher-Hayes likened the events to a "Shakespearean tragedy", adding, "The timing is crucial here because since the RTÉ Radio Investigative Unit revealed the connection between Michael Wall and the house . . ." And - we were off! Dungan asked Vincent Browne that question: "What about, 'Bertie Ahern, My Part In His Downfall?'" Browne brushed it off (of course) and echoed David Trimble's giving of credit to Ahern for navigating the referendum to change Articles 2 and 3 of the Constitution.
"It's hard to think of another political leader who could have done it," Browne said. "Charlie Haughey couldn't have done it because of his personality, Jack Lynch maybe. John Bruton, certainly not. Garret, certainly not." Today was a day for journalists and Vincent's best was yet to come. "Unfortunately, I'm just about to go into TV3. We're doing a special programme on Bertie and on the Nightly News we'll do more on Bertie Ahern's record and on his resignation . . ." Cheeky brat. "Thank you for that little promo," Dungan said, flatly. "And let me just follow that by saying RTÉ Radio One will have a news special on the Taoiseach today that starts at 12 noon. We'll take a break." To be a fly on the wall as the studio light went out.
Ahern's son-in-law Nicky Byrne told Liveline (Radio One, Mon-Fri) they were all having drinks later: "His famous words to me were, 'Just keep battling on . . .'" (It was obviously an old text.) Ahern's brother Maurice said the Taoiseach was upset by certain articles and said Ahern didn't have a choice when it came to his secretary giving evidence. A woman on the other line sighed in deep, sorrowful agreement. After all, this was her moment too.
"I'm devastated, Joe!" the woman said. "Devastated! I hope they're happy. Those who hounded him." Joe Duffy asked who hounded him. "The Opposition." Oppositions have a habit of doing that.
Then came one final, mournful theatrical sigh of epic devastation. On The Last Word (Today FM, Mon-Fri), Matt Cooper read out the following text: "I hope you're happy, Matt, now you've done down Bertie." Happy? Why, he oughta read it again. He backed in and out of the spotlight so fast, he nearly took the curtains with him.
"I feel sick," Eoghan Harris told Cooper. He felt sadness and anger at the news. Ahern had given him the heads-up ahead of time, obviously. Harris thought many people will go through a period of mourning. "Today, I'm just grieving a great Taoiseach." Harris expressed displeasure at Michael Clifford calling him "Mr". This reviewer did the same a few weeks ago and wondered why it went down like evidence at the Mahon tribunal. Seems it's not only cool to use titles these days, it's disrespectful not to.
To get his goat up, Clifford repeatedly used "Senator Harris" with a sarcastic emphasis that was far more disrespectful, but he certainly wasn't displaying the "crocodile tears" that Harris predicted from some among the "virulent" group of anti-Ahernites. "I'm just speaking for myself," Clifford said, adding that he stands over every word he has written about Ahern. One thing he didn't do was back-track. He said the defence of Ahern is changing its words as it becomes more difficult to ignore the evidence now.
Pundits either cried "witch hunt" or said Ahern was "the author of his own downfall". Like they do. A few dusted off Rudyard Kipling quotes, about walking with kings and not losing the common touch, and how success and failure are both impostors.
One Liveline caller said, "If you beat a dog with a stick, it will run away!" Judging by some mealy-mouthed tributes, it was more like a magician's cane: when Ahern was nudged over the edge, it burst into a bouquet of flowers, smelling of roses.
"I'm devastated, Joe!' she said. 'Devastated! I hope they're happy. Those who hounded him'