Seán Moncrieff: There’s a crushing pressure to be happy at Christmas

It’s difficult to say anything about Christmas that isn’t a cliché. Christmas – in the secular version – is nothing but clichés. Tacky jumpers. Cheesy songs. Christmas “traditions” that are only a couple of years old. We act like we’ve been celebrating Christmas in exactly the same way for centuries, yet so much of it is shaped by fashions and marketing.

The only habit I have that even approaches a Christmas tradition is that, at some stage, I’ll watch It’s A Wonderful Life: because, yes, it’s set during Christmas, but it’s also a great film. It’s about community versus snarling capitalism, about the forgiveness of yourself and other people, about how the only true worth we have is in relation to other people.

But it’s also quite dark. This only struck me the other day: the only Christmas film I like starts with a man trying to take his own life.

It also struck me that such extreme psychological distress is Christmassy too.

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This is a dark and somewhat depressing time of the year anyway: and there’s plenty of evidence that this has a negative physiological effect on us. So, it’s no surprise that all the major religions have a celebratory festival around this time: all of them involving lights. In mid-winter, we all need cheering up. But Christmas, having evolved into an orgy of shopping and self-indulgence, racks up the stress levels to 11.

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How do you get a surprise present for someone you’ve known for 20 years? How do you fit this huge turkey into that tiny oven? How do you find cranberry sauce when it’s sold out everywhere? Retail workers, already exposed to ear-melting Christmas hits for 12 hours every day, also get to see human beings at their absolute worst: snarling and furious because that jumper in Penneys is the wrong colour.

In this context, it’s not that surprising that one study in the US identified a phenomenon where people are more likely to have a heart attack over Christmas and the new year. It can actually kill you. Other studies show that Christmas stresses can add to mental health issues and substance abuse. Another US survey found that 45 per cent of Americans dread Christmas and would avoid it if they could.

And that’s just in the run-up to the day itself. Otherwise successful and content people arrive home and suddenly find themselves slotted back into the familial pecking order. The day is like a mini-Covid lockdown where everyone is trapped, not just with their family, but with the person they used to be when they were 15: and all the while there’s a crushing pressure to be happy, just like the John Lewis advert told you to be. For many people, the cognitive dissonance of this is too much.

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Christmas is also a time when there’s not that much to do. You sit around and think. You might think about previous Christmases, when you had a bad break-up or a loved one died or there was a family row when you said things you can’t take back. It can all be, as the young people say, extremely triggering.

The real miracle of Christmas is that people enjoy Christmas at all. Yet they do. Sometimes it’s a triumph of optimism over experience. Or because they’ve managed the trick of resisting all the societal and commercial pressures and kept things in proportion. Or simply because they are Christmassy people.

And if you are one of those, good for you. Happy Christmas. But try to remember that there are many other people who are not; who for myriad reasons might find this time of year a bit of a struggle. So, if they are a bit withdrawn or quiet, leave them be. And try to restrain yourself from saying: it’s Christmas! Cheer up! This holiday season, that’s the greatest gift you can give.