Would you swap lives with your parents?

The generation fading out will always cast a sceptical eye on the one usurping it. Do they see a crowd of overeducated little gits with no concept of hard times, a rainy day or a proper inferiority complex? Do the younger set see self-indulgent aul’ wans sitting pretty, nosing around Facebook where they have no business, refusing to accept that their time is up?

The recession turned more than an economy on its head. An image evolved of the Baby Boomers, who came of age in the 1960s and 1970s, queuing up for city breaks, wallets bulging with lump sums and gold-plated pensions, abandoning Generation Next to yellow-pack jobs, life-long membership of the Precariat and socialised bank debt.

The drums were beating out for a new generational war.

So are the young looking enviously at their parents’ generation? Are the older lot droning on about how everything was a lot better in their day?

Do fathers feel they are better parents than their own fathers were? How do mothers judge themselves? And do we think it will get better or worse for the generation born today?

These are some of the questions we set out to answer in our Family Values survey.

Our parents’ lives

There is a clear message from the survey that very few would want to go back a generation and experience the lives our parents had.

In spite of all the controversies swirling around the education system, for example, nine out of 10 people believe that the education they received is better than their parents’.

When asked about their standard of living, even among 35- to 54-year-olds – a middle group who are always least happy in any research – eight out of 10 believe it is better now than it was for their parents. It gets even higher among the retired and over-55s; 90 per cent of them say their standard of living is better now.

But is there a price to be paid for those physical comforts? Do we pay by way of a reduced “quality of life”? Few believe that. About three-quarters believe, despite all the upheavals, that life is better now. That disgruntled middle-aged group is a little less cheery: only 62 per cent of the 35- to 54-year-olds believe that. In fact nearly a fifth of them believe it has got worse.

On the upside, only a tenth of grandparents – many of whom have experienced multiple recessions and change across the decades – think it has got worse. In short, despite all the depredations of modern life, a pretty impressive 83 per cent of those surveyed believe our quality of life is at least no worse than it was. For most of us it is better.

“Happiness” surveys have shown repeatedly that, even in the worst of financially challenging times, Irish people are able to sustain contented lives by tapping into family, community and – often enough – faith.

In this survey they were able to judge life in the round as being as good as – or better than – that of any generation before them, even though a sizeable 45 per cent admitted to being worried in the past month about making ends meet.

Not surprisingly, then, when asked if they felt more financially secure than their parents were, only 56 per cent on average said yes.

That slumps to under half for those aged 35 to 54, and as low as 40 per cent for those with teenagers – about the same as those who are unemployed. It’s notable that more than a quarter of those in work and of the unemployed feel less financially secure than their parents.

Once again, however, it’s the grandparents who see the bright side: 65 per cent of them feel more financially secure than their own parents.

The headline news here is that three-quarters of the respondents say their sense of financial security is no worse, and mostly better, than it was for their parents.

Relationships

How is all this affecting couples’ relationships? Only 42 per cent felt the relationship between husbands and wives was better for them now compared to their parents’ generation.

Those with children under four brought that up to 52 per cent – clearly a good time for married relationships, those very early years. But it then plunges to a lamentable 32 per cent for those who have teenagers (which probably won’t astonish many parents) and those “living as married”.

Again, it’s not quite as sad as it seems. That’s because, across most groups, a third of the respondents rate marital relationships as about the same as they were for their parents’ generation. And only 22 per cent of those surveyed believe marital relationships have got worse – which is probably something to celebrate, considering the prophecies of doom related to the emergence of women into the workforce and the upending of the traditional breadwinner role.

But have those changes affected parents and their relationships with their children? Nearly two-thirds of respondents say that father-child relationships are better than they were for their parents’ generation.

For mothers and children the picture is less rosy. Just 56 per cent of respondents believe the relationship is better now (compared with two-thirds for fathers and children); that drops to a sad 43 per cent of those with children under four.

But perhaps the story here is that people will always expect more from mothers, or that there was less room for improvement.

Mothers themselves are not so gloomy: 62 per cent of them believe the relationship is better now than it was for their parents, and two-thirds believe it’s about the same.

Highest of all are the grandparents, 70 per cent of whom believe that mother-child relationships are better for them than they were for their parents. Just 6 per cent think they have got worse.

Better parents?

And here’s a good, nuanced question, one that differentiates between having a good relationship with the child and being a good parent. All parents were asked to judge if they themselves were a better mother or father than their own mothers or fathers were.

The stark gender divide here possibly reflects a lot of mother guilt. A huge number of women – 45 per cent of them – believe they are not as good as their own mothers. Even grandparents have reservations about their own parenting: only a third believe they are better than their own parents were.

Now throw the same question at fathers. They’re a confident lot by contrast. Only a quarter believe they’re not as good as their fathers. More than half of the 15- to 34-year-olds reckon they’re better. In general only a quarter believe that they’re any worse than their fathers and roughly another quarter believe that they’re the same.

And to what do they attribute their success? Here again, the gender divide is stark. Four in 10 fathers put it down to having more time and involvement with their children; only a fifth of mothers say that (presumably because that’s a mother norm).

Mothers over 35 who believe they are better parents were likelier to put it down to more communication and better understanding.

An odd finding of the survey is that a fifth of mothers aged over 55 put better parenting down to being financially better off, compared with just 8 per cent of fathers. Is it possible that the women are just realists or that, in this case, handing over cash is a father norm?

A consistent finding in this survey is that the over-55s see life as a sunnier place. Either that proves that the Boomers took all the spoils – as accused – or, perhaps, that they’re more likely to see life in the round.

And for all the worries about adult children, it’s possible that the greater contentment in the 55-plus group might just be related to the fact that their children have left home and their work is done – or should be.

Leaving home

The average age for leaving home, according to this survey, is just over 20 for boys and just under 20 for girls. Within the figures it becomes evident that boys tend to hang around home longer than girls do.

At 18 a quarter of those who moved on were girls, but only 16 per cent were boys. In the main leaving years, between 17 and 24, two-thirds of the leavers were boys but 72 per cent were girls. Among those still living at home, just over half are students; 11 per cent are unemployed.

And here’s an interesting question for parents of older children. When do they think the children should move out? The answer, on average, settled at just under 21. But, within that, more than a fifth plumped for 18, 15 per cent settled on 20 and 12 per cent said 21.

Caring for the elderly

Do parents then expect their children to care for them in old age? Just six in 10 say they do, although that zooms up to an optimistic three-quarters of the 15- to 34-year-olds (probably because they still have the young children and are clearly optimists).

But would the parents like their children to care for them in old age? Yes, they would. Nearly seven in 10 would like that – and the optimistic 15-34s again are emphatic about it.

The next generation

Which brings us to what else we expect for the next generation. Will those highly prized relationships and things like standard of living, quality of life and quality of education continue to improve – or at least get no worse – for the next generation?

At first glance, respondents’ view of how they expect relationships to be in 30 years’ time is gloomy. Only 29 per cent believe the relationship between husbands and wives will be better, and that drops to 24 per cent among fathers. But nearly half of those surveyed think they will be about the same.

How about the relationship between parents and children in 30 years? Just 10 per cent think it will get any worse. And 45 per cent of females are optimistic about an improvement in father-child relationships, compared with 40 per cent of males. But both sexes pull back to just 37 per cent when asked if mother-child relationships will get better.

Do people expect standard of living, quality of life, financial security and education to improve for the next generation?

It’s a definite yes for education: about 70 per cent believe it will be better. That compares with 57 per cent who believe the standard of living will be better and only 52 per cent who believe the quality of life will be better for the next generation. Only 41 per cent expect a greater level of financial security for that generation.

Again, it’s important to look at those who say things will be “about the same” for the next generation. Add them in and it means that seven in 10 believe the financial security will be no worse. About eight in 10 believe that standard of living and quality of life will remain the same.

But is this all we should expect for the next generation: more of the same?

It’s interesting to look to where the pessimism in this area is coming from. Mothers are most pessimistic about any improvement in the standard of living, or quality of life, or education. Fathers are consistently seven to eight points ahead of them in terms of confidence in the future on these issues.

But when the question is about financial security for the next generation, the situation is reversed. About 40 per cent of mothers believe it will be better, compared with 31 per cent of fathers.

Right across these issues, the under-34s and parents with children under four are hugely more optimistic than the rest. But students win the prize for the most optimistic in every category, coming ahead of the average by 20 points and more on future quality of life, standard of living and financial security.

Which is as it should be. The generation coming into its own in 30 years will be their children.

WHO'S IN THE SAMPLE?
How the poll worked
This survey was conducted in the Republic of Ireland on behalf of 'The Irish Times' by Ipsos MRBI. The telephone survey interviewed 1,000 people aged over 15, between February 5th and 19th. Fifty-eight per cent of respondents were parents.

Better health and longevity are reflected in the fact that 10 per cent of the over-55s have a living mother; indeed, 14 in 100 grandparents still have a living mother.

It also sheds light on life for the so-called Sandwich Generation. For example, a third of parents in the 35-54 group have children at secondary school, which suggests that a sizeable cohort at the upper end of that age group is caring for a teenager, an ageing parent and possibly a grandparent.

How many parents are in traditional marriages? Given that 36 per cent of all births last year were described officially as “nonmarital”, it’s worth noting that just 9 per cent of those who describe themselves as single in this survey are parents. All other parents are married, “living as married”, divorced or widowed. It’s also worth noting that 11 per cent of all the married respondents have no children.This may or may not be related to age, choice or fertility issues.

Among questions about life-changing events, we asked whether respondents or their siblings had undergone fertility treatment of some kind. Almost nine per cent – 86 in 1,000 – said yes. Fifty-eight of the 1,000 – just under 6 per cent – said they or a sibling had come out as gay. Asked if they or a sibling had emigrated, 45 per cent said yes. The figure fell to 35 per cent for those in the 15-34 group and rose to more than half for the 35-54 group. A quarter said they or a sibling had divorced or separated – a figure that rose to 35 per cent for over-55s and soared to 42 per cent of the unemployed. And a fifth said they or a sibling had married a non-national.

In other words, six in 10 Irish people have had personal experience of one or more of these life events, some happy but some deeply sad and challenging.