It's not easy to look good skiing, particularly if you're a beginner, and rushing out for top-notch outfits won't help. Killian Fordehas some advice on the best clothes for the job
You spent a month of miserable Wednesday evenings in November learning the basics on the artificial slope, plus dozens of hours deciding between Andorra and Bulgaria (and wondering if the same person illustrates all the ski-resort maps), you pre-booked the equipment, insurance and lift pass to get that 5 per cent online discount, the dog has been kennelled, the kids have been grandparented and you have garaged the Jeep.
The mountains are magnificent, the air is sharp and the sky is cloudless, yet in the cattle-pen-like triage area, waiting to be allocated a ski-school class, you and your fellow students wonder why eye contact is so momentary, small talk almost brusque and novitiate solidarity nonexistent.
Then light dawns, and you are mortified. You can see the ski instructors have noticed that you have borrowed your mother's turquoise-and- purple C&A jumpsuit, which last saw alpine action in 1986. You realise that all your planning, bargain-hunting, corner-cutting, preparation, listing and timetabling has come to nothing, because you're on the slopes and you haven't felt this exposed, this vulnerable, this humiliated since your early days at primary school.
All of which is a way of saying that, with everyone from Lidl to Chanel now selling snow-sportswear, you have no excuse for embarrassing yourself on the slopes this year - sartorially, at least. Another piece of good news is that, whether you are boarding or skiing, fashions are getting ever closer to street fashion. So you'll be able to wear your snowgear all winter. Here are some tips for what to look for.
INNOVATIVE
Health and safety now extend to the slopes, as litigation-conscious resorts promote - and guilt-racked parents adopt - the idea of ski helmets. (What next? Will we all be obliged to wear armbands for a dip in the Med?) Despite their questionable ability to prevent head injuries - and even evidence suggesting that wearing helmets tempts us to ski faster - helmets will become increasingly common.
Thankfully, there is a smart compromise. Ignite's shocking-absorbing beanies look like regular, if slightly padded, woollen hats, but they're made using d30, an "intelligent" material that stiffens on impact. They're not as tough as helmets, but they do provide extra protection. Onboard(Creation Arcade, Dublin 2, 01-6728767, www.onboard.ie) sells Ignite d30 beaniesfor €60.
FASHIONABLE
Until Onboard opened, Irish snowheads looking for edgier clothes had to make do with the overpriced fashion shops in the resorts. This slip of an outlet, off Grafton Street, is a haberdashery of the wonderful, weird, quirky and cool. As it stocks only limited numbers of clothes from hip labels such as Analog, Burton, and Billabong, you can be confident that your gear will be fairly exclusive. Analog's Boundary jacket, at a mid-price €250, is sober enough to mean you should get several years' wear from it.
For apres-ski activity, Onboard also has Snowjoggers, for €105. Also known as Rubber Ducks, after the company that makes them, these snug waterproof boots have replaced Uggs as the footwear of choice for the great and gorgeous of London and Los Angeles.
The hugely popular label Spyder is well stocked by 53 Degrees North (Blanchardstown Centre, Dublin 15, 01-8249156; the Park, Carrickmines, Dublin 18, 01-2149352; www.53degreesnorth.ie). The women's Diamondjacket, at €660, and Garnet pants, at €440, will ensure that you are well protected and looking the part.
Despite its name, Equestrian World(Doctor's Lane, Maynooth, Co Kildare, 01-6286853, www.equestrianworld.ie) has a fine collection of skiwear, including the family labels Dare2beand White Rock. It has children's jackets for as little as €30, adult versions for €50, children's pants for €50 and full-size pants for €75.
FUNCTIONAL
The basics are a good jacket and pants, plus a warm base layer. Great Outdoors, Arnotts, Outdoor Adventure Store, Matthews and 53 Degrees North all have good ranges.
Arnotts(Henry Street, Dublin 1, 01-8050400, www.arnotts.ie) sells reliable Trespasswindproof jackets for €80; it has a smaller range of youth-sized Columbiagear from €50. Both labels design clothes suitable for both damp Irish winters and the colder surroundings of the Alps, Pyrenees and Rockies.
Outdoor Adventure Store(Liffey Street, Dublin 1, 01-8725177, and MacCurtain Street, Cork, 021-4504389, www.outdooradventurestore.ie) stocks fashionable Surfanicjackets - great for younger skiers and snowboarders - in corduroy, pinstripe and camouflage looks, for €140. Matching pants cost €80.
The large range stocked by Great Outdoors(Chatham Street, Dublin 2, 01-6794293, www.greatoutdoors.ie) includes the North Face Storm Rider jacket, for €290.
"Base layer" always used to mean unattractive white long johns and sagging catsuits. Great Outdoors and Onboard (see next entry for details) both stock a spectrum of colours, styles and materials. No longer must you swelter in the apres-ski bar fully zipped up, too proud to reveal the raggy thermals you bought on Kilburn High Road in 1989.
VALUE
First-timers can spend incredible amounts on basic jackets and pants. They don't need to - and they probably shouldn't, given that, if they discover they hate snowsports, they might have wasted €1,000 on a super-trendy, iPod-equipped, Nasa-designed jacket.
Some of Ireland's best-value gear comes from - whisper it - Lidl(stores nationwide; stock varies; www.lidl.ie). If you are bringing a bunch of Game Boy-addicted children on a snow-sports holiday, pop into Lidl and kit them out in budget gear that will keep them dry and warm. Its fashion-neutral two-piece suits are a bargain at €59.99.
If you're an adult after a brand name, try TK Maxx(stores nationwide; stock varies; www.tkmaxx.com). We've found Quiksilverjackets and Helly Hansenpants, both for €64.99, plus Columbiaand Trespassjackets from last season for similarly low prices.
Arnotts(details as before) stocks the Brugilabel, whose range includes a jacket-and-pants set for €140. Arnotts says it can easily kit out a family, from socks to hats, for less than €1,000.
Don't forget that you can hire snowgear, too. Try Great Outdoors(details as before) and Equestrian World(details as before).
GADGETS AND GIMMICKS
Offering satnav for snowsports, Satski is a pocket-sized touch-screen GPS that calculates your position, distance skied, fastest speed and highest elevations. By downloading piste maps it can also plan routes, highlight points of interest and record pistes skied. Its makers claims it will make paper piste maps redundant. It can also direct nervous novices from one peak or valley to another while avoiding red or black runs. Tignes, Val d'Isère, Courchevel, Méribel, Val Thorens, La Plagne, Les Arcs, St Anton and Verbier are all available through Satski units, which cost €40 a day to rent (through www.satski.com) or a pocket-burning €2,000 to buy.
You arrive in the mountain village where you're due to be based for your holiday, and the lack of snow means your ski-in-ski-out accommodation is 300 metres below the ski line. The nearest lift is 500 metres away by a busy road. Not only is it grossly uncomfortable walking in ski boots, but after all the money you've spent on your top-of-the-range outerwear - and effort you've put into finally nailing that carving turn - you're still afflicted with the gait of Frankenstein's monster on your morning and evening treks to and from the lifts. Help is at hand from the ingenious Walk-Ez Revolutions. Soft crescent-shaped attachments that clip to the soles of your boots, they let you walk more normally. They are available through www.walk-ez.com for $80, excluding delivery.
BOOTS AND SKIS
Ireland isn't a great place to find skis, snowboards or boots. You'll find that boots, for example, are cheaper in many resorts than they are here - and you'll also have the option of changing them after a day or two if they hurt.
That said, the best shops to try here are Great Outdoors(details as before), which stocks the reliable Salomonbrand, and 53 Degrees North(details as before), which sells the Tecnicaand Nordicabrands.
If you are thinking of buying skis in Ireland, our advice is not to. The choice is very limited, the prices are high, they will be technologically redundant in a few years, and airlines will hit you with obscene oversized-luggage fees. The quality of hire skis is significantly higher than it used to be, and by paying a small premium for your resort hire shop's "superior skis" you should get a good deal.
The same advice applies to snowboarders, although the retail choice is much better. Have a peek at the boards in Great Outdoorsor the specialist www.irishsnowboards.com.
WHAT NOT TO WEAR
REALLY EXPENSIVE SKI GEAR
It's all about managing expectations. Kitted out in the season's designer gear, and adopting a smug I-can-afford-it swagger, you have just branded yourself an expert. Imagine, then, the smirking of the masses as you sluggishly descend the nursery slopes in a visible state of terror.
WACKY HATS
We've all seen them at the airport: large groups buying metre-tall Oirish hats shaped like pints of stout, begorrah hats covered in shamrocks or leprechaun-themed bowler hats. There's no need: your heavy drinking, scavenged gear, grey teeth and erratic attendance at ski school will be sufficient national identifiers. The exception is on St Patrick's Day, when the wacky hat, county or rugby jersey and Irish flag worn as a cape are appropriate for the ambassadorial role you will be expected to fulfil on our national day.
JEANS
You know those metal rivets on your denims? Three kilometres up those little babies will feel as if they're burning into your skin. Plus, like sponges, jeans will soak up any snow they come into contact with - and, with the seams scrunched up at the top of your boots, snow will creep into your socks. A couple of hours in and you will be a gibbering, soaking mess of misery. If that's not enough to prevent your planned economising, also note that locals regard wearing jeans while snowsporting as we would regard wearing a morning suit while playing a bit of GAA.
ALL BLACK
Wearing a black jacket, pants, boots, goggles, polo neck and hat is the epitome of cool in James Bond films and that old Milk Tray ad. On a lumpy, unfit, middle-aged intermediate it looks like trying way too hard. It screams midlife crisis, the equivalent of buying a sports car back home and flirting with the office temp. So unless you look like Brad Pitt and ski like Jean-Claude Killy, leave the all-black uniform to the stuntmen, models and pros.
REPLICA NATIONAL SKI JACKETS
You can buy sharp-looking national-ski-team jackets in resorts all over the Alps. There is, however, an unwritten, unspoken protocol that only real members of national ski teams should wear them on the slopes. So poor Paddy can find himself on the end of incomprehensible abuse from an irate Tyrolean who feels that Paddy's amateurish downhill meandering with "Austria Ski Team" emblazoned on his back is destroying his country's cherished, and long-fought-for, reputation in alpine racing.