My divorce. Emma: ‘On the back of a beer mat he scribbled, I’m leaving’

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My husband handed me a beer mat one evening. It was three days after Christmas in 2005. Our festive season had been a little hectic as my son was only an infant at the time.

On the back of the beer mat was scribbled “I can’t do it anymore, I’m leaving”

I can still remember my heart stopping, my stomach turning and my head spinning, the entire room spinning. It was like the world stood still as I absorbed the news.

Overall we have managed to stay friends somehow over the years. There is no doubt that our son has benefited from this. My ex-husband was and still is a very involved father. The support we received from both our families made that possible in the early years. We were lucky to have financial support at the time too, and had a second house my husband could move to. All these factors greatly reduced the angst and acrimony normally attached to a separation. Basically there was nothing to fight over!

Fast forward to April 2013 when following a few glasses of wine and a chat over dinner, we decided to get a divorce. Our motivation was simply to ease any future legal problems our son might have with inheritance etc.

Neither of us have any intention of marrying again, to be honest I don’t think either of us were the ‘marrying type’ in the first place, which undoubtedly contributed to the ending of our eight yeas together, the last three as husband and wife. Following five years of living together happily, we crumbled to social and familial pressure and got married.

Our divorce was a breeze; it was our initial separation that tore my heart apart.

The writer’s name has been changed.

[ irishtimes.com/separationandme ]