Bridge the generation gap with a holiday

In Spanish or Italian style, multi-generational self-catering holidays are on the rise among Irish families, writes SHEILA WAYMAN

IT MIGHT sound like a bad joke: the mother-in-law tagging along on the hard-earned annual holiday. But the three-generation family break is definitely on the rise.

In recognition of this trend, some holiday operators and hotels now even run “grandparents go free” offers.

Families who have mastered the art of holidaying across the generations would not have it any other way. They appreciate being able to spend quality time with each other; it can be an opportunity to gather globally dispersed families in one place and, on a practical level, sharing costs helps keep the price down for everybody.

As they see it, the advantages of grandparents, parents and children enjoying each other’s company in a relaxed way on neutral territory far outweigh any privacy or logistical issues.

For the McCabe family of seven siblings from Dublin, it all started in earnest seven years ago with their father’s 60th birthday. They hired a stately home in the Loire for a week to celebrate in style and had such a good time, the big, multi-generational holiday has become an annual event in their family.

Every summer they rent a large base – either in Ireland or in France – for three weeks. People come and go but usually there will be a full house for about 10 days.

“We try to get one house because it means we can all eat together in the evening,” says Aisling McCabe, one of the siblings – five of whom still live in Ireland, one in London and one in Australia. “The best experiences we’ve had are when there is lots of space and it is well laid out, so if the kids are up early they are not waking the whole house.”

Last year they took a house in Rathmullan, Co Donegal and next month they are heading to Provence.

With a large group to please, selecting a place could be tricky. Various members of the family take different accommodation websites to search initially and “then two or three people are really focused and draw up a shortlist”, Aisling says.

Their parents, Kathleen and Patrick, usually leave the final choice up to them. “But we will always make sure they are happy with it.”

This year there will be 14 adults and five children, including Aisling, her husband Andy Keogh and their two small boys, Louis (4) and Daniel (2). Two of the siblings can’t make it and while sometimes Andy’s mother, Pauline Keogh, joins them, she won’t be there either.

As Andy is an only child, “it is interesting that he gets on so well with such a big gang,” Aisling says.

Big houses tend to be off the beaten track, so cars are essential and they look for a pool and other sources of on-site entertainment, such as table tennis. Generally people do their own thing during the day – although they might have a family sports day or treasure hunt which everybody will stick around for – but every evening they meet up to eat together at home.

“We do rotas for cooking and cleaning – it means you’re not on duty every night and don’t have 10 people saying ‘what will we eat tonight?’.”

There are different ways of breaking down the cost of the accommodation – by room or per adult – “but it is always amicable”, according to Aisling. They also have a kitty and whoever is shopping for dinner takes money out.

“The pros are it is extremely communal and you spend lots of time with people, which is brilliant,” she says. “The downside is that you don’t get much downtime – it is full-on, whatever way you look at it. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

As much as they enjoy the “madness” of the big family holiday, Aisling and Andy, who both work full-time (she in RTÉ and he in the Abbey Theatre) also like to get a second break away on their own with the two children – usually in Ireland, although this year they have booked a week in Begur in Spain because the weather was so bad at home.

For those who have never tried a multi-generational holiday, it might be best to begin with just a week, suggests Aisling. “After a week, you go away with brilliant memories and I think that is what happened the first time with us.”

Travelling in large family groups is nothing new to, say the Spanish and Italians, and for them the spaciousness of holiday homes in Ireland is a particular attraction, says Tracey Coughlan of Fáilte Ireland. However, multi-generational travel using self-catering accommodation here has also become popular among Irish families, she agrees.

A trend which Trident Holiday Homes sees is grandparents booking the houses and then inviting their off-spring and grandchildren to join them.

“This is really quite new for us and I think it is because retired people are perhaps now better off than their children who are burdened with mortgages and even no job,” says Trident director Jacinta Doolan.

“Our domestic bookings are up this year and there is a real feeling that the ‘old’ Irish holiday is in vogue,” she adds.

Meanwhile, Self-Catering Ireland reports a significant increase in inquiries about whether houses are suitable for older people, because a grandparent or two is joining the family holiday. When once it was looking for more “pet-friendly” properties to offer clients (landlords can’t afford to be so fussy these days), now it needs ones with downstairs bedrooms to cater for the demand from multi-generational family groups, says its reservations manager Caroline Howlett.

Rostrevor Holidays in the foothills of the Mourne mountains in Co Down makes a point of highlighting on its website how the two biggest of its 10 cottages are ideal for three generations holidaying together – plenty of space, ensuite bathrooms and armchairs in the bedrooms for people who might want a bit of peace.

“It is nice to go away with family but sometimes you need your own space,” says manager Didi Baxter, who believes there is a “big trend” towards the generations getting away together.

“There are grandparents from the area wanting to bring their grandchildren back. They have memories from this area and they want their grandchildren to experience it,” she explains. The other noticeable category is grandparents paying for the holiday, as was the case with a recent group from the US.

There has a been an “unbelievable” response to the “grandparents go free” offer that has been running for the past year at the Hodson Bay Hotel in Athlone, Co Westmeath, according to its reservations manager Sarah McCormack.

Families who book a mid-week break during school holidays can avail of a free, separate, double room for grandparents.

Meanwhile, Lisa Ryan, a single mother of two from Tallaght, Co Dublin, is delighted that her widowed mother, Helen Ryan, suggested the four of them go away together this summer.

“I had presumed she had used up all her annual leave but she has left enough to help us and give us a holiday as well.”

They have booked a house in Sneem, Co Kerry, for five days and Lisa’s younger brother, who is single, is coming along too. She will be glad of the company and the extra hands to help out with her daughters, Leah (6) and Chloe (1).

Lisa, who works full-time as a secretary and then goes home each evening to her “real job” of caring for her daughters, is really looking forward to it: “It will be nice just to get away and to have somebody else there to give me a bit of a break.”

ALL ABOARD: 'THEY COME ON HOLIDAYS TO SHARE TIME WITH US AND NOT TO MIND THE KIDS'

EVER SINCE Niamh and Aidan Lambe started their own family 17 years ago, they have been going on multi-generational holidays once every two or three years.

This summer, they and their three children, Matthew (17), Jenny (14) and David (10), are in one mobile home in Pals, north of Barcelona, while Niamh’s parents, Joe and Pat Carberry, are close by in another. Meanwhile, 10 minutes down the road, three generations of Aidan’s family are also holidaying together – and both family groups meet up from time to time.

Although Niamh’s parents live in Dublin and she sees them most weekends, “it is always quick and busy”, she says, because she is working full-time, in the Central Bank.

So these three weeks in the sun are all about “quality catch-up time with your family”, she says. As we speak on the phone, they are coming to the end of their first week – “and we’re still all talking!”

She knows it would not be everybody’s idea of an ideal holiday. “You need to have good family relationships and a very clear understanding of what you want out of it. There are certain ground rules, be they explicit or implicit, but they’re there. I think that’s how it all works really.”

From the start, there was always a clear understanding that her parents were not coming with them to babysit, she says.

“They come on holidays to share time with all of us and not to mind the kids while we flit off! Although they do the odd time, it wasn’t part of the plan.”

Her parents go along with what Niamh and Aidan organise for the day. “They just muck in – that is why it works, it is a lot to do with their attitude. They get great enjoyment out of watching the kids doing all their activities but they are not very demanding in their own right.”

But separate accommodation means her parents have their own time and space to potter around during the day and they all meet up in the evening.

“We would tend to do all the cooking,” says Niamh. “And then my parents buy us nice meals out. It balances up!”

She acknowledges that it is much more of a challenge for the partner who has in-laws sharing the holiday, than the one who has his or her parents there. It is testament to Aidan, she says, that their arrangement works so well.

When the idea came up that they would all go away together again this year, Niamh asked Aidan if that was what he wanted. “He didn’t hesitate, which is a good sign,” she says with a laugh.

In previous years they have holidayed with her brother’s family, along with their parents. “We are a very down-to-earth family – there is no nonsense about us. If the kids are misbehaving, be they my own or my nieces or nephews, you just sort it out and get on with it. We are a very sporty family and have a lot of common interests, which helps a lot.”

She loves to see her children enjoying quality time with their grandparents. “It’s those little things – board games, chess games, conversations about things. I am really glad we do it, and have done over the years, because it is a real investment in family. Hopefully we are setting a good example for our own kids as well.”

She is amused to watch how her daughter (14) looks out for her father who, that evening, is celebrating his 83rd birthday with a tiramisu cream cake bought in a local bakery. “You see sides of your kids’ personalities you don’t see when they’re with their siblings,” adds Niamh. “And you think, maybe they are not so bad after all!”

TIPS FOR HOLIDAY HARMONY

Book no longer than a week the first time, to see if it works for you.

Select accommodation which best meets the different needs and wants of three generations.

Ensure there is plenty of space for each “faction” of the family and on-site facilities such as a pool, tennis court or table tennis so you don’t have to go out all the time

Work out finances in advance and agree ground rules for use of a kitty.

Establish how people want to spend their time and plan accordingly – don’t try to do everything together.

If self-catering, draw up a rota for cooking and cleaning up.

Be vigilant about which adults are responsible for monitoring small children at all times and don’t presume that “somebody” is keeping an eye on them.

Grandparents should not be expected to babysit – but a gracious offer for one night could be given . . . and accepted.

Beware of people without the responsibility for small children hitting the vino at lunchtime and continuing until bedtime.