Emissions/Kilian Doyle: I hate to say this. It's as difficult as cajoling a straight answer out of Bertie Ahern, but it has to be done. So, deep breath, here goes: I was . . . wrong.
I don't know if any of you lovely people remember, but I got great mileage out of ridiculing Formula One a few short weeks ago, deriding it as a sport where the outcome is in as much doubt as an Iraqi presidential election.
Last year, it was a simple case of the race starting, Robodriver in one of the red ones spurting into the lead and winning, unless of course it was the wrong red car, in which case he'd stop to let the other fella past. I also dismissed the regulation changes as being about as likely to make things interesting as feeding curried crabsticks to a donkey all day to make him fly sideways, spouting Mein Kampf as he goes. (Some smart- alec is bound to e-mail me a photo of an obese hang-gliding nazi donkey)
How mistaken I was! Serves me right for spouting nonsense about things I know nothing about. (Some smart-alec is bound to e-mail me a photo of an obese hang-gliding nazi donkey, I can feel it.)
Anyway, back to the cars. Barely sight nor sound of the prancing horse so far. Okay, so their one second place in Malaysia would probably send most teams into conniptions of delight for the whole season, but this is Ferrari we're talking about.
But Coulthard? Raikkonen? Who are these young upstarts? Eh? Is there an end to the Teutonic dominance in sight?
No matter what your allegiances, one has to feel a bit happy for the lantern-jawed David Coulthard.
And then the sub-editor in this newspaper's sports section must have been wetting himself at the Malaysian result. He's probably been sitting on his superb "Day of Raikkonen" pun since the young Finn's name first appeared on the F1 scene. People who know what they're talking about (I have no claim or ambition towards being one of them) predict great things for the 23-year-old flyer. I'd put a copyright on that particular bit of wordplay, so I would.
But a word of caution to all you "Anyone But Ferrari" people - don't get too excited. Schumacher finished fourth in Melbourne, even though he left shredded lumps of his car all over the track, and finished sixth (and had the fastest lap) in Kuala Lumpur, despite smacking into the hapless Jarno Trulli and spinning off in the process.
So, like the besieged Butcher of Baghdad, I wouldn't write Schu off yet. I suspect he too may have a nasty surprise up his sleeve.