RoadTest: Ssangyong Rodius Reading through the sales material for the new Rodius is best done several miles away from the actual vehicle. It's the sort of spin that would make even Alistair Campbell blush.
Ssangyong refers to the Rodius as "a powerful performance MPV". "It is not only spacious, comfortable and tastefully designed but also bares the Mercedes-Benz engine, making it a new benchmark in the MPV market."
There are two points on which we can agree: it is certainly spacious and it's called the Rodius, arguably the most unappealing name for a car since the Toyota Deliboy or the Isuzu Giga 20 Light Dump.
Sorry, there is in fact a third point on which we agree with Ssangyong: it claims the appearance of the Rodius is unique. You would be hard pushed to find anyone who would disagree with them on that.
Car designers look to all areas of the world for inspiration - buildings, animals, art. With the Rodius the designers were clearly thinking about what a minibus would look like if it struck a warthog from behind.
Back to Ssangyong again, where they claim "the tailgate of the Rodius represents a radical departure from the stereotypical van look". Are we really sure we're testing the right car?
Yet the Rodius is so freakishly ugly that someone is bound to find it kitsch. And by the end of the week, it even started to grow on us.
No, you would still have to be certifiably insane to describe it as pretty, but there is something about such an ugly runt of a car that we find appealing. The problem, of course, will be finding another soft-hearted fool when it comes time to selling it on. Kitsch has a very short shelf-life before it's regarded as crap.
The Rodius does have some saving graces. Inside it's huge and you will be hard pushed to find another vehicle on the market with this sort of legroom.
Tthat's hardly surprising given that it stands at 1.8 metres in height and over 5 metres in length. While Irish models will come in seven-seater format - a three seat bench at the back, two swivel chairs in the middle and the two front seats - in some markets the Rodius is available as not only a nine-seater format, but an 11-seater one as well. We will leave to the imagination the sort of legroom you would have with 11 seats in place, but we've seen the pictures and it's on sale.
With a mere seven-seats in place, the seating is ample for seven long-legged adults and the sliding rear bench means that all their luggage can be carried as well. If you need to move house, the back row can come out - though it takes a weightlifter to remove it - while the middle seats fold down flat or can be swivelled out of the way.
Up front, the dash is well laid out and actually quite practical. The central console is idiot proof, though the retrofit stereo is yet another fiddly addition, with small buttons designed to instigate road rage. Cruise control was fitted to our test vehicle but it was missing steering wheel controls for the stereo, another option available in some foreign markets.
In terms of safety, the fact that such a large vehicle has only two airbags - for the driver and front seat passenger - is a serious omission, even if ABS is standard.
Ultimately, the Rodius feels like a much older vehicle, something from the late 1980s.
Beneath the bonnet, the trip back through automotive history continues. The 2.7-litre five cylinder diesel engine that Ssanygong refers to "as a benchmark" is supposedly a third generation common rail unit, but the noise it emits is first generation oil burner.
The diesel clatter during acceleration and idle reverberates around the cabin and those in the back seats often struggle to make themselves heard.
It does, admittedly, deliver a hefty 342Nm of torque, enough to get you up and running with seven strapping rugby players in the back, but the fact it has to haul over two tonne of metal before you even get in blunts any performance.
That said, a time of 13.7 seconds to get to 100km/h from standstill is surprisingly quick considering its bulk, while an official fuel consumption of 9.9 l/100km (28.5 mpg) is good for its size, though not quite up to the standards of others.
It's also a relatively easy car to drive and the five-speed automatic gearbox in our test car did its best to keep us ticking along. Thankfully, the Rodius features ultrasound reversing sensors as standard. However the downside to the light steering is that there's little feedback on main roads and one of the biggest criticisms we had was the ride quality - harsh on all but the smoothest roads.
Our test car was the range-topping automatic with leather trim for €40,995. That puts it alongside the likes of the Chrysler Voyager, Citroen C8 and Renault Espace, which are light years ahead of it in terms of styling and performance.
Even at entry level pricing, it loses whatever benefits it held there, thanks in part to our Vehicle Registration Tax system, which is based on engine size.
Entering the market at €34,995, few may match it in terms of overall spaciousness, but there are several very strong competitors within the same price bracket that don't look as weird and offer more modern powertrains.
So where does all that leave us? Well, the first thing to do is to ignore all the claims from Ssangyong about performance and tasteful design. That sort of spin only works if you don't actually see or sit in the car.
Instead, look to the honest strength of the Rodius - spaciousness. After that, there's little to attract you to the Rodius.
It's hard to recommend it ahead of competitors like the Citroen C8 or its twin, the Peugeot 807.
Then for good measure there's the far more stylish Espace, the lower-priced Trajet and a host of others competing for the same market. To add to Ssangyong woes, there's the new Mitsubishi Grandis 2-litre diesel, due here in September and starting at €36,995 (see story below).
To buy the Rodius, you would need to care nothing for styling and be planning to hold onto it for quite some time as the resale value is not likely to be up to much.
However, if you do hold on to it long enough, perhaps one day it will be a collector's item, like the bubble car.