Talking Property

We acted like sheep in the rush to invest in the property boom, says Isabel Morton

I'VE JUST had it. Could anyone explain what the hell is going on? I'm sick of hearing about banks taking the property developers by the scruff of the neck and telling them to sell, sell, sell.

I'm equally sick of hearing from people who can't get a mortgage to buy the same damn properties. Am I missing something here?

Now, I've touched on this subject before and failed to get an answer then, and I strongly suspect that I'll not get a satisfactory answer this time around either.

I also once referred to us all behaving like a flock of sheep, where one follows the other blindly. Needless to say, I got berated for it. Well, here I go again. WE ARE LIKE SHEEP. Bahaaaaaaaaa.

DAY ONE

The Government tells us that there is a shortage of accommodation for the growing population. Land is rezoned and developers are encouraged to build. Banks back the developers and give them gargantuan loans to buy land and build apartment blocks and housing estates everywhere, including rural areas, which don't even have a Spar shop within a 20-mile radius, let alone transport links.

We are all delighted with ourselves. What seems like half of Eastern Europe moves to live in Ireland. Parents remortgage their homes to give their adult children deposits for theirs.

Young people's main aim in life is to get a foot on the property ladder. Middle-aged people accumulate investment property as a cushion for their retirement.

The over-70s sell-off half the equity in their homes to finance their lifestyle and retirement homes. We all adopt Hello! lifestyles.

Bored buying up every last scrap of Irish property, we bought up as much as we could of the rest of the world. And the world welcomed us with open arms. And the bankers smiled and gave the Paddies more mega mortgages to invest in a few prime sites on the moon.

DAY TWO

The Government tells us that there is an oversupply of properties and that half of those already built are unoccupied. Rezoned land is now used to graze sheep and developers are now regarded as vermin.

Banks treat developers as "enemy number one" and would not lend them so much as the price of a loaf of bread. We are all miserable.

Half of Eastern Europe has returned home, where the proceeds of their Celtic Tiger employment have been wisely invested in their now booming property market.

Irish parents no longer consider the deposits they gave their adult children as gifts and now want the money repaid with interest.

Young people are threatening to jump off the property ladder with fear, now that they have discovered that they have climbed too many rungs.

Middle-aged people have given up on investing for tomorrow and are now more concerned about surviving from day-to-day.

The over 70s have reverted to wartime rationing and basic survival has become their main objective in life. People we know are ending up in Stubbs Gazette.

The Irish property investor is now retreating from the global market like a defeated army. The world no longer wants to know us. And the bankers now wearing balaclavas are pointing Kalashnikovs at the Paddies as they aggressively go about repossessing their lives.

Could someone please tell me how this is all going to work? How can people sell their property, if the banks, (regardless of what they are saying) are not lending anybody any money to buy them?

And what, pray tell, are the banks going to do with the property which they are threatening to repossess? Is this not a catch 22 scenario?

By repossessing property and selling them on, way below their original value, the banks are not even going to cover the outstanding loans, and their clients (the investors) are going to be bankrupted.

And by repossessing, the banks are forcing prices down further by selling on the properties at knockdown prices, thus further compounding the problem.

Where is it all going to end? How many Irish people are going to have to become bankrupt before the banks will be satisfied? And at what point will the banks put away their guns, slip off their balaclavas and start smiling at everyone again?

It's all very fine to say that developers and investors were greedy and now deserve what they are getting, but it is worth remembering that it was not only the big boys who invested in the property market, but your children, your parents, your grandparents, your neighbours, your friends and you too.

We were all drawn towards the light. We all wanted a slice of the action. Whether we got it or not, we all wanted it.

And we trusted the banks. We believed them when they told us that we could afford to repay our mortgages. We had faith in their stress tests.

We were fooled. We were duped. We were seduced.

Like lambs to the slaughter. Bahaaaaaa . . .