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How to ... deal with noisy neighbours (Hint: don't turn the hose on them)

Expert answers to everyday questions

How to ... A series of expert solutions to everyday problems

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Joanne Hunt
Sat Aug 21 2021 - 06:00

My neighbour is noisy, what can I do?
Since the pandemic, suburbia is humming with mowers, strimmers, powers washers, leaf blowers and power tools. Somebody shout "Stop!"

I'll just tell them to stop then
Not so fast. Prepare first, even to the point of scripting what you want to say, says co-founder of the Mediator Academy, Sabine Walsh. "Don't barrel over there unprepared at 9pm after a few glasses of wine. Think about what you want to get out of the conversation rather than it being just an opportunity to vent." Make sure it's a convenient time for them too, says Walsh. "You could say, 'I'd like to talk to you about your mowing, are you free now?' Try not to catch them on the back foot. If they feel defensive, things can escalate."

What is my opener?
As the person starting the conversation, talk about your experience, says Walsh. "For example, 'I like to go to bed at 9pm and I've noticed that's your preferred time for mowing the lawn'. Make it about yourself first. Say what you are observing rather than making an accusation."

Appeal to their emotions
Explaining your rationale will support your appeal. Rather than saying, "I don't like that", it could be, "That's when I'm trying to get the baby off to sleep". Give a reason so that it's clear where you are coming from.

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Ask questions
It's not all about you. Ask about your neighbour's situation too. "What people tend not to do in a situation like this is ask questions which is a real mistake, because questions give you information," says Walsh. "Instead of saying, 'You always do this. I don't want you to do this. Stop doing this,' you could say, 'I've noticed you tend to mow your lawn on Sundays, is there a particular reason why you do it then? Are there any other times that might suit you?'" People feel if they ask questions, they are projecting weakness, or conceding ground, but that's not the case. Asking questions is the best thing you can do.

“If you say, ‘I want you to stop this because that’s my right,’ or ‘I’m entitled to this’, that’s not going to encourage someone to see your perspective. It may be unhelpful,” says Walsh.

Make it a joint problem
Have some suggestions and options in mind, but solving things collaboratively is better. "You tend to think of the one solution you want, which is probably for them to never mow their grass again, but that's not realistic," says Walsh. "You could say, 'What if you did it every second week at that time?' or 'What times work for you?' If the person making the noise feels accused and feels they have no say in the outcome, that's a recipe for escalation."

What if they won't budge?
Try appealing once more, says Walsh. "You could say, 'I'm finding this really difficult because I can't sleep', or 'I have young children'. If you have a good reason, it makes it more difficult for them."

If there’s still no budge and the noise is a real nuisance, you could talk to other residents or check Citizens Information for ways to more formally pursue the issue. But have a think first, says Walsh. “There does come a time when you take a step back and ask yourself, is it really worth pursuing this? Is it so intolerable that I can’t live with it, or am I just pursuing this out of a point of principle? Ask is it really worth your time and energy.”