When Arsenal captain Thierry Henry offered to chat about football, fashion and anything else she wanted to ask about, Mary Hanniganjumped at the chance. But his answers proved elusive. . .
How Thierry Henry has had the time to mull over his footballing future these past few weeks is hard to know, he's been so busy filling in questionnaires sent to him as part of his promotional work for an American clothing label.
This, of course, is not an ideal way to conduct a thoughtful, provocative, insightful interview that would delve so deep into the personality and character of one of the world's most sublime footballers that he'd be left stripped bare in front of you. Not literally, mind, just emotionally. When a PR company acts as the middleman in the process - and we mean no offence, as some of our best friends' neighbours are PR people - you're in deeper trouble, as some of the sample questions and answers sent to us confirm.
Question: "Were your initials, TH, predestined to work with another famous TH?" Answer: "It's an amazing coincidence, but worked out perfectly." It is, indeed, an amazing coincidence, leaving us wondering whether, had he been born, say, Kaspar Fabian Cloutier, he would have been telling us his product was finger-lickin' good.
We send our own questions, then, which start off by asking Henry about his experiences of racism and poverty as a child, two issues his THe One 4 All Foundation is trying to confront. Do those experiences now seem a world away, considering the life he has built for himself? "Even though I play for Arsenal and the French national team, I still remember where it all started for me in Paris," he replies. "My old friends and, of course, my family keep me grounded and make me appreciate what I currently have." Then here comes the funny bit. "While growing up, I would have never thought that one day I would be photographed for an international Tommy Hilfiger campaign!" A theme is developing.
Next, for the sake of parochialism, we ask Henry: If someone says "Ireland" to you, what are the first five things you think of? "Passionate people. Good football history. Friendly people. Commitment. Great Tommy Hilfiger stores all over the country." See what we mean?
Next we turn to fashion, a subject with which we are as familiar as we are with nuclear physics, but we think we had better make the effort. Would you agree, we ask, that some of the greatest crimes against fashion have been committed by footballers? If yes, which players are guilty as charged? "Not necessarily," he says. "The football players I know are all very fashion conscious and very much aware of what they wear out and about. There are some, though, who are not that fortunate." He refuses to name names for fear that his Arsenal team-mate Freddie Ljungberg reads The Irish Times Magazine.
Be honest: what's the worst fashion crime you have ever committed, we ask. Is there any item of clothing you wore that makes you embarrassed thinking about it now? "Now I have Tommy Hilfiger and Reebok on my side," purrs Henry, "there is absolutely no way you will catch me in anything that is out of fashion!!"
By now we are gathering that he has a connection with Tommy Hilfiger, so we ask, if he had to do a photo shoot for the company wearing one of the following, which would he choose: a sarong, a kilt or dungarees? "None of these options," he says. "As an individual my fashion taste is classic but with a modern twist. This goes hand in hand with Tommy Hilfiger's designs, which combine classic American styling with unique details and fit to give time-honored basics a fresh and updated look."
We can't remember Henry talking like this on Match of the Day, and the US spelling of "honored" also has us smelling un rat. So we indulge in a spot of Googling and, yep, as we suspected, this is what the company says about itself: "The Tommy Hilfiger underwear brand combines fresh American style with unique details to give time-honored classics an updated look." Are we, we wonder, dealing with Henry at all? Or is a PR person playing gooseberry on our e-mail rendezvous? There is only one way to find out.
On to football. If the only way to win anything was to play ugly, like Chelsea, would you prefer to give up? "Firstly, I don't think Chelsea play ugly," he says, which some would take as proof that we are dealing with an impostor.
But then he describes them as "an extremely effective team", which is polite footballing code for ugly but successful. "Winning is everything in football. It is the most important thing. You need to win first and then try and play entertaining football after."
As Arsenal choose entertaining over winning, this comment could be interpreted as Henry's adieu to the club - perhaps the first confirmation, in a little scoop for us, that he intends to leave the Londoners in pursuit of some ugly winning.
But there the revelations end, although we do learn that he "would probably like to have played basketball in the NBA" if he hadn't made football his career, and that the movie of his life should probably be filed under "thriller" rather than "romance", because it has been "an exciting ride so far!!" And he has "the French west Indian music called Zuk" on his iPod because "it reminds me of my roots".
Henry, alas, leaves quite a few blanks under our questions, including our request that he explain his countryman Eric Cantona's response when asked to describe himself in five words recently: "Politician, woman, lobster, grass. That's it! No, wait, the sex of a fish. The big sex of a sports fish, or maybe the little sex of a small fish, a stickleback." The very least he could have told us was that "sticklebacks, when clothed by Tommy Hilfiger, whose designs combine classic American styling with unique details and fit to give time-honored basics a fresh and updated look, can look très chic". But maybe he just doesn't want to push the Tommy Hilfiger thing.
The Thierry Henry Capsule Collection is available from mid-August at Tommy Hilfiger, Dundrum Town Centre, D16, and Shop Street, Galway. Call 01-2963075. All proceeds from the collection go to THe One 4 All Foundation, tackling racism and social inequality among the young and under-privileged. See www.theone4allfoundation.com