What makes a man?

Brendan O'Connor (30) - Comedian and TV presenter

"A real man . . . would not be reading this . . . was born before 1960 . . . has not had to construct or define his manhood or think about it . . . is selfless, proud, a protector . . . is not interested in fashion and frivolous things . . . is a sportsman . . . is cheerful no matter how he feels inside . . . is solicitous and loyal with a sense of civic duty. "I'm not a real man, thank God. I'm just the many `me's that go to make up me and I'm a bit girly sometimes too."

Cuan Hanley (33) - Fashion designer

"I'm ambivalent about what makes a real man. I think the world is changing so much and so rapidly that the barriers will be crossed over between men and women so that gender is less important. I believe that's correct.

"There is a stigma attached to `feminine' qualities for men because our social conditioning has boxed us into different things according to our sex, when in fact we all have the same basic qualities.

"In business, a man needs to have the qualities of fairness, flexibility and vision. In relationships, you need understanding, compassion and an ability to find common ground so that you can move things up to the next level. It has to do with being there for someone, offering loyalty and support, being a good friend to both men and women. Having a sense of humour and perspective on life are really important too."

Gerry Ryan (40) - Broadcaster

"Men are simple creatures and are basically interested in three things: relaxation, sex and achievement. I don't subscribe to the view of men being emotionally beaten up by women and I don't subscribe to the view that men are in a confused state.

"Men basically want to get laid and have a good time. In relationships, men need pampering and to be looked after. Men's emotional needs only become apparent when they are not being serviced or fulfilled.

"Having a wife and family and seeing to their needs and their care physically and emotionally keeps you in line and gives you parameters for your behaviour. You know you have expectations you have to live up to and you have to deliver if you are going to keep your wife and children feeling safe and secure. You can function then because you have the care, the beer, the good food, the security, the compliments, the cooking and the sex."

Tony Lofty (40) - Nightclub drag queen

"I cared for my mother, who had a stroke, for nine years until her death. Like most carers, I was isolated from normal communication with other people. My mother could not talk and she went blind and deaf. She had cared for me and I knew I should return that love. "After she died, I was helped out of my isolation through Smashing Times Switched On ESB Access Theatre for Women and discovered qualities in myself, like being able to stand up in front of people and speak and get my point across.

"Discovering who I am as a man, has been about finding confidence, about reaching out to others who have empowered me and about knowing what it's like to be vulnerable because then you understand people more. You don't have to be Mr Tough Guy. Crying helps when you are going through hard times.

"It's also important to be a good listener, as well as expressing your own opinions. You have to negotiate and talk, rather than fight."

Ian McKeever (30) - PR consultant and broadcaster

"It's great fun being a guy and I'm glad that men are fundamentally different from women. But there is too much hyperbole about the differences between masculinity and femininity and I think the differences have been exaggerated.

"I think that men haven't changed much in 30 years: they are still incapable of talking. Men are always moving fast from A to B to C, feeling pressure to achieve.

"No one asks boys, `how do you feel?'. It's all about duty and career, about getting on the ladder and seeing how high you can climb. But achievement is not about how much money you have, it's about the person you are. I think a lot of men define themselves by prowess and strength and handling situations unemotionally. "I think men need to get in touch with their feminine sides a little more. I would love it if a gene was found for male intuition. A real man, to me, would be someone who knew how to operate as an emotionally intelligent person."

Mick Galwey - Rugby player (33)

"That was the moment when it all came together for me, what being a man is all about. We had to walk on to the field fired up and we had to be very brave and think of our supporters, who were 100 per cent behind us.

"In those five minutes after we lost, it was an emotional time. I picked up my daughter Neasa, which seemed the natural thing to do because at the end of the day, there is something more important than winning matches, and that's family. I had a tear in my eye.

"I believe in being natural and not being afraid to show emotion. Rugby is a very physical game and a man is very physical, but he is also very emotional. I would never deny those qualities."