What to do with an overzealous boyfriend and aunt?

Social-media agony aunt AMANDA BROWNsolves the holiday dilemma of a boyfriend who never stops tweeting and a saucy spamming aunt

Dear Cybersorter,

I have been going out with a lovely fella who is a few years younger than me. Constant FB and Twitter updates, including on our dates, is a norm for him. Being a private sort of person, I find this perturbing.

We’re planning our first proper holiday and I’m really looking forward to it, but the first question he asked was: “Will the hotel have wireless?”

How do I explain that I don’t want my holiday tweeted and twitpic’d to death?

EC

Dear EC,

It’s nice your boyfriend is keen to show you off, but there are limits. There was a misty time when we would only have to brave the pitying look of the chemist as they handed over holiday pictures.

Now, you turn on a big grin with your teeth full of pesto, the Italian waiter staring down your cleavage as he pours the Pinot grigio, and it’s gone halfway round the world and to all your work colleagues before you can say: “Is there something on my face?”

Since you are booking the hotel, find one with a beautiful view and no wifi. Explain, gently, that the phone is not coming. It needs to learn its place in the hierarchy of your relationship. It’s you, him, the cat, the phone – in that order.

Present him with a disposable camera. Then dazzle him with a glimpse of the bikini you intend to wear. He will forget all about his twittering empire for at least seven seconds. Use this time wisely. Hide the phone.

Dear Cybersorter,

My aunt, like many of my older relatives, has recently discovered the joys of emailing. However, she has now taken to spamming me with emails that contain jokes and pictures of questionable content.

I don’t want to block her email completely, but how do I explain to her that she is making me feel uncomfortable and filling up my email account with unwanted junk?

BE

Dear BE,

There can be little as disconcerting as having the olds jump on the internet bandwagon and then graffiti it with filth.

Thank goodness she hasn’t yet infiltrated your Facebook or Twitter friends lists. There are three ways you can solve this.

1) Send her an email. It should begin thus:

Dear Aunty Dirty Jokes,

If I wanted to read bad jokes about pirate’s private parts, I would pick up a tabloid newspaper. I expect better from blood relatives, especially the woman who made me repeat the entire catechism to her when I was seven. Really, Aunt, WWJS (what would Jesus say), not to mention Uncle Brian?

2)I bet you know some filthier jokes. Send all of them to her.

3)I see you use gmail. You can filter her email without blocking it. Next to the “Search the Web” button, click on “Create filter”. Now, you can put Aunty’s dirty emails into a box all of their own (not your inbox). You can also filter emails that carry specific words this way. When you are feeling brave, you can check through subject headers for clean content.

Send social media queries to cybersorter@irishtimes.com

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