‘Late Late Toy Show’ is its own magical gift

Adorable kids saying wise and weirdly grown-up things? Check. Unfortunate jumpers? Check. Infuriatingly talented children? Check. Someone - or something - singing Let It Go? Check. Greedy grown-ups in the audience waiting for freebies? Check.

The rest of us at home knocking back booze and posting “hilarious” tweets with #latelatetoyshow? Well, obviously.

Even the continuity announcer told us what hashtag we were to use before the show started. ’Tis far from hashtags the Late Late Toy Show was reared.

The programme, which does more to herald the start of an Irish Christmas than any other, ticked all the right boxes last night.

And it copper-fastened its place as a uniquely Irish institution which is impossible not to love, at least not without attracting looks of deep suspicion, if not outright hostility, from right-thinking people everywhere.

It is, as host Ryan Tubridy said in the run-up to the event, a little piece of magic in a world all but entirely drained of wonder. Only someone as vile and beastly as Gaston would slag the Toy Show off.

Luckily for us then, that doesn’t have to be done, because this year, as with every year since Ryan Tubridy started hosting it in 2009, the Toy Show was a delight.

As has been the case in recent years, an elaborate opening number set the scene. This year’s number was based on Beauty and the Beast.

Disappointingly, Tubs did not take on the roll of Belle - the kind-hearted beauty who is brutalised by Gaston and driven into the arms of a cold-hearted beast, before everyone lives happily ever after.

Tubridy wasn’t the Beast either. Or even Gaston. Instead he came out as a Lumiere the Candle Stick and danced like a whirling dervish, while the kids around him a sang “Be Our Guest”. It was mental.

Bing Bong - a character from Pixar’s Inside Out - made an all-too-brief appearance.

He was followed by an infinite stream of Monchichi monkeys, which Tubridy casually cast aside, presumably so they could start work on writing Shakespearean plays.

Giveaways

The first “everyone in the audience” freebie arrived, made up of a Penneys’ voucher and a Christmas jumper.

The first child to star was a little girl called Kazoo. She showed Ryan a few toys before his attention was diverted by a wooden retro kitchen from the Early Learning Centre. “It’s magnificent,” he said.

It came with food and everything.

“I don’t think everyone in the audience will get a slice of cake,” Kazoo said sadly, as she sliced her wooden cake. It was the first adorable moment of the night.

Tubridy then played chopsticks on a floor piano with a boy called Christopher, which proved to be equally adorable.

Christopher was brilliant. Ryan was . . . less brilliant. The child was led off by a robot.

A boy called Johnny then came out to talk about his love of weather and weather forecasters.

He loved them so much he had devised a board game called An Aimsear - a mix of Monopoly and Snakes and Ladders.

He said he was a big fan of Evelyn Cusack. She even stars in the game.

And yes, you know well what happens next. Evelyn Cusack made a “surprise” appearance and then played the board game with Johnny.

It was Peak Toy Show.

Then a boy called Michael talked about how brilliant John Deere tractors were. His buddy at home preferred Massey Fergusons.

Another boy had a field full of farm animals. And a lion. The lion and the farm animals don’t live together in perfect harmony.

Then Fionn appeared, and said that when he grows up he’ll be in the IFA because he’ll get well paid, before rapping along to an Eminem track.

Country singing

There was some country singing from a girl called Emma. You’d not want to be watching this programme on drugs, that’s for sure.

After that there was the Ride On. Kids rode through the studio on bikes and scooters and souped up BMWs .

A Hoverboard - one which escaped the attention of customs officials - made an appearance. There was also unicycle. It was all very weird. But in a nice way.

After that Ryan Tubridy and an utterly delightful David Walliams played Pieface and a band called Red Head played a brilliant version of Every Breaking Wave by U2.

Other sweet things happened - including a Beauty and the Beast finale - and then it was all over for another year.

It will be back again and our world will be better for it.

The Late Late Toy Show is one of those programmes that sends people to bed feeling better about the world and about themselves.

It’s unique like that.