Stuck between Hero and Baby

Teen Times: Being trapped between the Hero and the Baby in any family is not easy. Special treatment, extra pocket money and days off school are privileges that, unfortunately, the middle child does not qualify for, writes Miriam Maher

The eldest child, or Hero as he is more commonly known, is in one word, a genius. First conceived, and therefore the first child my parents brought up in this world, he was bound for family acclaim the minute he set foot on this earth.

Every child's early years are pretty much the same: birth, grow a little, crawl, grow a little, walk, grow a little, talk etc. But when it's the first child doing all these oh so amazing things, it's as if there is a future Einstein living in the nursery upstairs. Every single manoeuvre, belch, dirty nappy, gargle and giggle is photographed, examined in great detail, analysed for all signs of genius and then blabbed about to every Tom, Dick and Harry who'll listen. Yawn.

Of course the Hero package comes with all the mod cons, which are updated regularly for roughly 18 years - in some cases even longer: baby designer jumpsuits, miniature Ireland jerseys, top-of-the-range high chairs, brand name runners, overpriced mobile phones and whatever else the hero may need during his childhood. There are no such things as hand-me-downs in the hero's world where every item of clothing is box fresh.

The youngest child - aka the Baby - tends to be made of a delicate and rare form of priceless material. If cotton wool covering or bubble wrap packaging were available, every youngest child in the world would be seen wrapped in them.

The youngest, the baby, is truly precious and is handled with extreme care.

Although receiving perfect grades in school, she is quite a simple being and this is why she struggles with everyday tasks such as making a sandwich or putting dirty clothes in the wash basket.

It is essential that Mum and Dad are always on hand in case a difficult task may arise such as cleaning her room. Baby is prone to the occasional tantrum but after all "we do put a lot of pressure on her".

A chauffeur- driven car is on hand for any destination Baby may need transport to.

Every so often Baby starts a new diet or joins another new class that affects the whole family. Dinners are changed and we are forced to attend drawn out displays of all sorts, but it's all worth it because Baby is special! Baby was born lacking the bold gene and even if she does start a fight and lands me in A&E with a missing arm, internal bleeding and covered in bumps and bruises, I must have been doing something to annoy the princess and therefore deserved it.

No amount of hair dye, piercings or house parties will ever get Baby in trouble, as "we're sure it was all unintentional".

The middle member of the happy sibling crew is also known as the Reject. Generally forgotten about, she tends to get on with life without the luxuries of the elder and younger siblings.

When arguing with her siblings, she tends to fight alone while the other two team up and win. Everything the middle child does has been previously accomplished and therefore requires little admiration or praise. There are fewer of her award certificates, lollipop-stick stationery holders and photos proudly displayed around the house.

The life of the Reject, therefore, is not an easy one and can be summed up by a simple adage: too young to do it, too old to get away with doing it.

This is the lot of the middle child, stuck between Hero and Baby, with no escape route in sight.

Miriam Maher (17) of Blessington Co Wicklow is a pupil of Presentation College Terenure, Dublin

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