Glasto blasto

LAUREN MURPHYwallows in the mud - so you don't have to

This year, every inch of the 900 acres of Worthy Farm that hosts Glastonbury, the daddy of all music festivals, will be put to good use. A large percentage will be occupied by stages, of course, as well as catering vans, bars, and stalls selling everything under the sun. Another large percentage will be taken up by campsites and toilet facilities. The remaining 50 per cent has been reserved for Bono's ego.

Joking aside, the fact that U2 are headlining the Pyramid Stage tonight is a pretty big deal as the biggest band in the world have never played the biggest festival. Bono and Co's Glasto debut is deemed so significant that Setanta Ireland will broadcast their set from 10pm tonight. As an added bonus, you wont have to subject yourself to the bilious Fearne Cotton's witterings, although she'll be omnipresent during BBC3 and BBC4's coverage of the festival across the weekend. U2 will be the focal point of a tax protest during their set.

Unlike 2008, when Michael Eavis was criticised (mostly by Noel Gallagher, in fairness) for his decision to make a hip-hop star – Beyoncé's bloke Jay-Z – a headliner of what is generally considered an indie and rock festival, there are no controversial names among the other big acts. The Bootylicious diva herself will bring some non-contentious rump-shaking r'n'b to proceedings on Sunday night, while the ever-reliable (some would say boring) Coldplay hog the limelight on Saturday.

Other picksof the weekend? Make sure not to miss Morrissey (tonight, BBC4, 9pm) and Elbow, who play their biggest festival slot to date at 9pm on Saturday, while BBC2's best bits on Sunday (10pm) will feature the likes of Paul Simon, Eels, John Grant and Gruff Rhys.

Of course, there'll always be some dodgy decisions at a festival so big and varied. Eavis recently expressed his annoyance at his team's judgment on signing up The Wombles, although he should be more worried about the placing of Glasvegas at the vanguard of the John Peel Stage on Saturday, or hipster soul vacuums Crystal Castles's Park Stage headline slot on Saturday.

In anycase, make the most of this year's coverage, as there won't be a festival next year, thanks to the London Olympics ensuring a dearth of portaloos in the UK (we sh... err, kid you not)