Can you tell our made-up Noelisms from an Oasis of truth?

Ungrounded rumours of an Oasis reunion generally fall around this time each year, depending on the timing of the last frost and/or the present lunar phase.

The annual celebration began this year in the Daily Mirror after it cited a "well-placed source" who dubbed the reform a "gentleman's agreement" between Noel and Liam Gallagher. Anonymity of this source is essential, as they are under a journalistic obligation to protect the true identity of Mr Slow Newsday.

If the rumours are true (and if a cold wind blows from the Northwest before the first harvest, they are), it means someone gave the lads a fat stack of cash: “If I was ever going to do it, it would only be for the money,” Noel insisted in January.

Interestingly, this is the least-Noel thing he's said all year. With the upcoming UK election, the Brits and U2 posing as constant sources of difficulty for him, here The Ticket compiles the Most Noel Things Said By Noel. Try to spot the fabricated ones.

On the value of music: "If you can't be arsed paying 99p for one of my songs, then I don't want you to have it, because quite frankly 99p is a piss-take. It should be a pound, anyway – round it up to a pound, f**king hell."

On Nigel Farage: "He doesn't look like he could be mentally capable of running a corner shop, far less a fucking country."

On beverages: "Milkless tea is a fucking Tory racket."

On loving the monarchy: "I wouldn't wish the Royal family dead, just seriously maimed."

On Bono: "The difference between me and Bono is I don't pretend to know what my music is about. It sounds fucking great, let's just leave it there."

On Liam's anger: "He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup."