Making Waves

Clare McKeon. No, sorry, doesn't ring a bell.

Tut-tut, you must know her. She's one of RTE's star performers, host of her own show on Network Two.

Ah. No, still no bells. I've never seen her show.

That's because you're a bloke. Blokes aren't allowed to watch it. It's the law.

What time is this on at?

11.05 p.m. on Wednesdays.

Ah, that explains it. I'm in the pub at 11.05 p.m. on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Mondays, though, I'm my own man, and I drink at home.

See, that's just bloody typical. You men, you just don't understand a woman's needs. You spend your time boozing with your friends, flirting with tarts or watching Sky Sports. You think foreplay is what footballers do when they kick the ball around before kick-off. You're all just vile, lousy, insensitive, childish bastards.

Excuse me, Mr Dworkin, but I note from your name that you also appear to be of the male gender.

I know, but that's the general gist of her show: a group of women sit around a table and talk about how men are lousy, vile and unfeeling while women are sparkling, witty and sensitive, even with drink on them. At the head of the table sits Clare herself, all dark, sympathetically brooding, with a voice like treacle dripping from a razor blade. Turning on the show is like stumbling into a love-in at the Women's Institute.

Good grief. RTE wouldn't pay blokes to sit around and talk guff like that.

Well, there's always Dunlop and Finlay on Thursday nights, but at least there's only two of them. (And they talk about important things, like politics.)

I'm sorry, but the whole affair doesn't sound particularly bold or radical.

Well, um, no. It's predicated on the belief that women never talked about these things in public before.

Don't be ridiculous, of course they did. They just never did it while men were around.

Possibly; just like they never laugh at the jokes we tell until we're out of the room.

And how did Clare McKeon become the patron saint of the complaining sex?

Well, she first came to attention as a reporter on the ill-fated Century Radio, before graduating to a position as the titular host of its tea-time phone-in show. This was her first exposure to our national pastime of whinging in public. Century went belly-up in 1991 and she subsequently moved to FM104 to host The Clare McKeon Show. Now she's with RTE hosting - funnily enough - The Clare McKeon Show.

So no trace of ego there, then? Not a bit of it. She has claimed that broadcasting can be a form of counselling, albeit one conducted for the amusement of tens of thousands of people. Yet she still sees herself as an entertainer: "Entertainment is one of the greatest forms of stimulation", she once told an interviewer. That and sex, presumably, which is why it tends to be a frequent topic of discussion on her show.

So its whole purpose is to allow women to backslap each other about how awful men are?

No, it's actually a cunning plot by male-dominated RTE to prove that women can talk just as much rubbish as men if they're given the time and encouragement. Funnily enough, it works.