Little to suggest father's presence at birth bedside is a sex turnoff

The trend for men being present at the births of their children is being debated yet again following birthing guru Dr Michel Odent's assertion that men are not able for the messiness of birth. Now he tells us . . .

When our first child was born, I insisted that my husband cut the umbilical cord. In a flurry of ante-natal reading, I absorbed something about fathers' roles in primitive societies. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to inform my husband of my wishes, so that when the obstetrician handed him the scissors, my shocked partner botched the job.

Happy, expectant couples who do everything together, including giving birth, run the risk of wrecking their sex lives, believes Dr Odent, the 70-year-old founder of the Primal Health Centre in the UK. His views have been one of this week's talking points in Britain.

Yvonne Jacobson, a psychosexual counsellor with the Marriage and Relationships Counselling Service in Dublin, says that she has yet to meet a couple whose sex life was diminished by childbirth. To the contrary, she argues, most fathers say that it was a fantastic experience, which improved the intimacy of the relationship.

A couple's sex life can fade after a baby but it's not the childbirth experience which cools the couple's ardour - it's something to do with how women change after having babies, she suspects. Many women will say that sleepless nights and the stress of combining baby-rearing with a working life probably also have something to do with it.

Dr Odent asserts that a man may also suffer post-natal stress disorder after a spell in the delivery suite.

Yet Irish men have shown themselves well able to cope. In less than a decade, Irish fathers have been transformed into dedicated birthing assistants.

In the 1980s, most expectant fathers delivered their labouring partners to Holles Street, dropped the suitcase and ran. Fathers were not allowed in ante-natal classes.

In 1991, the National Maternity Hospital introduced couples' ante-natal classes and suddenly it became de rigueur for the father to be present at the birth. Currently, there are eight ante-natal courses for couples at the hospital each week and the majority of fathers attend the birth.

However, there is a danger that men feel pressure to live up to social expectations when they would prefer to be elsewhere.

Ms Angela Timlin, former secretary of the Association for Improvements in Maternity Services (AIMS) - now amalgamated with the Irish Childbirth Trust - says that fathers may not always behave appropriately and may inhibit the woman. "The father could have had a few too many drinks or could order the woman around. When I was secretary of AIMS, I heard about fathers telling mothers to `shut up and do what the midwife tells you'. "

Ms Margaret Fanagan, midwife and sister in the ante-natal education department at the National Maternity Hospital, Holles Street, says some men "don't want to be present at the birth and they are there only because pressure has been placed on them. You come across couples who have just given birth and the man looks like he is going to pass out, while the woman is beaming."

Fathers should not be forced to take part in the birth experience if they feel they cannot handle it, she believes. "The first question I ask men coming to our ante-natal classes is: `Are you here because you want to be?' and the majority say `yes'."

Dr Odent makes a good point when he says that the father's presence may lengthen labour by inhibiting the mother's primitive instincts to grunt, squat and push.

Another danger is that fathers could be mistaken in thinking that once they have braved the labour ward, their role in the birth is over. Ms Fanagan takes all her expectant fathers aside and tells them the real, heroic work of birth starts for fathers the day they bring the mother and baby home. She urges them to take responsibility for shopping and housework so the new mothers can rest and enjoy their babies.

I know of a father in London who, after witnessing the birth of his first child, was handed a mop and a bucket of disinfectant by the midwife and ordered to scrub the delivery room floor. Now that's what I call a realistic initiation into fatherhood.