‘Dear JJ . . . ’: a letter from the Irish actor who wants to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps in Star Wars

Dear JJ,

I know this might sound like a bizarre letter but I thought I’d chance my arm all the same. It’s well known that you’re casting some of the parts for the up coming Star Wars movie in Ireland so I thought I might drop you a line. My name is Jack Olohan, I’m a struggling actor from Dublin, and if I have one regret in my life, JJ, it’s this - not getting in touch with George Lucas when he was making the prequels back when I was in college. I’m sure you know this already, being a massive Star Wars fan, but an old school Irish actor by the name of Eddie Byrne played General Willard in A New Hope back in 1977 and, believe it or not, he was my dear oul Grandpa. I was going to put it to Mr Lucas that I could maybe play my grandfather’s character as a young man. If he was the leader of the rebels in A New Hope, he would surely have featured in there somewhere, and there would have been no better buachaill than yours truly to portray him. But, alas, as it went, I never got in touch. Ye see, JJ, men in their early twenties in Dublin can easily be led astray by loads of pints and electronic beats when they should be out doing more constructive things like defending the galaxy.

Anyway, Star Wars ended up being my grandfather’s swan song, so I sadly never got to meet the man as he died shortly after filming. The strongest image I have as a child of my grandfather is that of the scene he has with Princess Leia. I think you’ll agree with me, JJ, that with those rugged good looks and flirty charm, you would definitely get the distinct impression that there is a high possibility that this character could have spawned a few kids. Those children would, of course, grow up and want to follow in their father / grandfathers footsteps. What I’m really trying getting at here is that if you need someone to play the next generation of Willards, well, I’m your man. I would carry on the Willard name with pride, defending the universe against the ever deviant empire. I would lead a fleet of starships towards the new Death Star without fear of consequence and with a conviction from within that only a true commander has. You can’t buy these qualities, JJ, and I have them in spades.

But I’ll leave it with you and, please God, I’ll hear back from you soon. All is going well your end, I have no doubt. It sounds like a solid enough cast, so far so good. All you need now, as I said, is one of the Willard’s knocking around, shouting the odds.

I await your reply with anticipation and excitement, and bro, if the pressure starts to mount with all the nerds online giving ye grief, remember: keep it real at all times, man. Don’t listen to them, it’s your vision, not theirs.

Slan leat agus cead mile failte

Jacko

PS: The photo on my agency’s website was taken about 8 years ago, I’ve lost a bit of weight since then, so if you could take that into consideration it would be much appreciated.