Baggage Claim

“You crazy? I am not going to work on a skateboard! No way.” Cut to same actor teetering insecurely down the high street on, yes, a skateboard.

There is not, to my knowledge, a name for this construction. But all half-educated writers of comedy now know that it is a cliché to be avoided. By my reckoning, it turns up at least three times in this implausibly appalling romantic comedy. “I am not climbing into a bin.” Cut to darkened screen and oddly muffled voice. You know how it goes.

A serious contender for the worst commercial release of 2013, Baggage Claim, an African-American affair, is so soaked with stinking romcom conventions you suspect that some sort of parodic intent might be at work. Paula Patton, a flight attendant in search of love, really does have a promiscuous "funny" female pal and an outrageous male gay chum. The film really does end with a furious race to the airport. She really does reject the tedious snob for the nice bloke down the hall.

Whereas the comic conventions seem a mere decade (or so) past their best, the sexual politics look to have sprung from the 17th century. The picture begins with Ms Prentice learning that her younger sister is about to get married to a high-school football player. We are meant to understand that the notion of Paula turning up at the wedding without a fiancé is so shameful she may as well refuse the invitation and fling her wretched body in the nearest millrace.

While the protagonist meets and rejects a succession of former boyfriends, we remain aware that she is destined to eventually settle for that humble neighbour. Along the way, however, the search seems governed by a sickening materialism: this one owns a hotel; that one runs a record company; this one rents her a posh hotel suite. The average participant on a US dating show demonstrates more balanced priorities.

Film boffins will, however, find one genuine point of interest. In a film with a wide array of characters, the only white characters of any significance is gay. What can it mean?