Feathers fly over pinko penguins

WHAT is it with penguins and politics? Last year, certain nuttier commentators on the American right tried to argue that March of the Penguinsproved that there was no such thing as evolution and that Dick Cheney was the risen Christ (or something). Now the same zealots are suggesting that George Miller's hit animation Happy Feet, in which penguins encounter global warming, is anti-family, anti-religion and anti- Bush.

Michael Medved, the 138-year-old conservative blowhard, leapt upon the bandwagon with predictable enthusiasm. The film he hilariously dubs "Crappy Feet" is, apparently, the "darkest, most disturbing feature-length animated film ever offered by a major studio." Irish Communists can expose their children to Happy Feet from next Friday.

Puzzled by Prods

Fans of Brian Kirk's Middletown may find themselves puzzled by Philip Kemp's review of that fine Irish film in the current issue of Sight and Sound. The reviewer, a distinguished film historian, talks at great length about the picture's unsatisfactory take on the role of the Catholic Church in Ireland. Unfortunately for Mr Kemp, the maniac played by Matthew Mcfadyen is, in fact, a Protestant minister and no other character is identified as a Roman Catholic.

Poor old Ian Paisley. After 50 years of puritanical zealousness from the doctor, the English still assume any Ulsterman in a dog-collar must be a Catholic priest.

Best in show from Germany

Following a lull in the 1990s, German cinema has re-established its importance with recent features such as Good Bye Lenin!, Downfall and The Edukators. The German Film Festival, which begins today in the Irish Film Institute in Dublin, will, therefore, be approached with eager enthusiasm by all keen cineastes. Among the delights on offer we find Andreas Dresen's high-class soap Summer in Berlin, Marcus Rosenmüller's black comedy Grave Decisions, and the ecclesiastical documentary Into Great Silence. Details from www.ifi.ie.

No ifs about it

Alan Walsh's fine Irish short What If, in which a pair of movie stuntmen decide to become film-makers, will play before Hal Haberman's Special, an eccentric US indie, at the IFI from next Friday. Featuring amusing cameos from John Boorman and Jim Sheridan, Walsh's picture has already impressed audiences at festivals up and down the land.

Rock around the crock

It has emerged that the recent break-up between Kid Rock, a sort of white rap performer, and Pamela Anderson, a former lifeguard impersonator, may have been triggered by Rock's unhappiness at his wife's antics in the Borat film. A friend of the artist once known as Robert Ritchie spilled the beans to the New York Post's gossip column thus: "Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?'"

Sorry? Isn't this the same Pamela Anderson who once appeared in a gruesome sex tape with Tommy Lee? For Pete's sake, Pam has a bag over her head for a fair portion of her performance in Borat. Even members of the Taliban might approve.

Lindsay makes her mark

Is there any activity more pleasurable than laughing at the apparent stupidity of people richer, younger and more powerful than yourself? We are, of course, thinking here of the increasingly worrisome Lindsay Lohan. The callow tearaway's self-penned tribute to the late Robert Altman, in whose Prairie Home Companion she appears, featured grammatical and syntactical howlers that would embarrass a chimpanzee.

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true," she typed. "God Bless, peace and love always. Thank You. BE ADEQUITE."

Spare a thought for The Ticket's sub-editors and their now pulsing temples.

Mel's so cool

Over the last few years, the Film Threat site (http://filmthreat.com/) has continued to grow in influence. So its annual Frigid List - an assessment of who's losing power in Hollywood - is always worth a glance. Few will be surprised to discover Mel Gibson, enemy of the Jew, friend of the vintner, sitting proudly at No 1. Other predictable entries in the top 10 include the forementioned Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer Aniston and TomKat. But what's Borat doing at No 3? According to Film Threat, his career as a prankster is over now that everyone on earth knows the character is a fake.

That we can understand. However, Film Threat's inclusion of "movie critics" at No 9 is an outrage.