Dadrocker

Kevin Courtneysamples the latest jingle bell rock

Daniel will soon hit the 18-month mark, just in time for Christmas. For many families, this is the chance to relax in front of a roaring fire and shake off the stresses of the year. For a harried Dadrocker who's had enough singing Postman Patand Baa Baa Black Sheep, it's a chance to spin a few kid-friendly Christmas singles by the popular bands of the day, and sneak some rock'n'roll down the chimney and into Daniel's musical diet.

Having grown up in the golden age of Christmas singles, I'm a little spoilt. You may be sick to death of hearing vintage yuletide fare by Wizzard, Jona Lewie, Shakey and Slade blaring out of shop Tannoys year in and year out, but I watched these tunes get their first airing on Top of the Pops, and just a snatch of Mull of Kintyreor Merry Christmas Everybodyis enough to blast you straight into the festive spirit.

How will today's crop of Crimbo rockers fare against the classic tunes of yore? Let's try a few out. Here's one by The Wombats called Is This Christmas? Daniel is already a baby Beatlemaniac, so he's bound to enjoy this festive tune by those other cheeky chappies from Liverpool. Alas, the song proves nowhere near as catchy as Merry Christmas (War is Over)or Wonderful Christmastime.

It starts promisingly enough, with a cheeky voice intoning, "'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring, except for . . . a wombat?", but quickly toboggans downhill from there, not even pausing for a chorus. And was that Les Dennis I heard? That's Christmas ruined, then.

What about Joseph, Better You Than Me, the new one by The Killers and Elton John? Could this be a technicolour dream team? Elton's previous Step Into Christmaswas like stepping into reindeer poo, and The Killers' A Great Big Sledwould get Santa reaching for his gun. A combo of the two can only add up to one great pile of ruminant excrement.

It seems the days when bands could knock off a catchy yuletide tune are long over, and today's kids will be denied the simple pleasure of a childlike Christmas hit. But before we give up and go back to the traditional carols, remember that there's always a punk, rockabilly or trip-hop version of your favourite festive tune lurking somewhere under the tree. And what could be more kid-friendly than an album called We Wish You a Metal Christmas and a Headbanging New Year?

This new collection of tree- shredding tunes features Alice Cooper's nightmarish Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, Lemmy's menacing Run Rudolph Runand Ronnie James Dio's unnerving God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Daniel and I will have great fun screaming along to that.

But wait: forget those heavy metal cats. I've just found the perfect Christmas CD for Daniel, featuring artists even cuddlier than Roy Wood and Aled Jones, and songs that the whole family can enjoy - including the dog. Puppy Holidaysfeatures real dogs yapping out Jingle Bells, Deck the Hallsand Ding Dong Merrily on High.

Christmas, catchy tunes and cute li'l puppies - now there's a recipe for a real headbanging holiday.